This isn’t a debate or a discussion. It’s not a judgement or an argument or an example that you should follow or learn by. It’s not a Jamie Oliver Campaign. It is just my experience. Experience should be shared because motherhood is difficult and confusing and is it only through sharing that it can feel just a little less daunting.
When I was pregnant for the first time, I was sure that I was going to breastfeed. Six months later, when I learned I had gestational diabetes, my resolve was further strengthened; it was better for the baby, it was better for my health.
When my son first entered this world, his little body was placed on mine, skin to skin, and we stayed that way for what seemed like hours and he fed, as we might have hoped he would. Things went as I expected – at first.
But his blood sugar dropped.
By that night, the very first night of my son’s life, his blood sugar was dangerously low. I sought to rouse him, to make him feed, but he was lethargic with the sleepiness of being newly born and I could not make him suckle enough. The nurse said he would have to go to intensive care if we could not get his blood sugar up – but I was barely producing colostrum. And so, feeling confused and angry, I fed my baby son formula from a cup. His blood sugar began to climb, but it was not enough. Just as they were about to take him away, take him to the ICU to be fed by a tube, the consultant came and gave him sugar syrup through a syringe. The next time they pricked his tiny foot, already covered in blood and bruises from so many blood sugar tests, his levels were in the normal range.
The next day, we went home. There were no bottles, no formula in the house when we arrived, a new family of three, so strong was my resolve. I went home anxious and worried about making sure my son was nourished. I went home feeling like I had failed, almost before I had begun.
I continued to breastfeed. I knew the first few weeks would be key to building my supply and that I would need to feed a lot. And so I did, as much as I could. My milk came in – things seemed to be back on track.
The first day the midwife came to weigh my son, he had lost 8% of his body weight. My anxiety bloomed afresh. The second day that the midwife came to weigh my son, he had lost 10% of his birth weight. Don’t panic, she told me, it was quite normal. Things usually picked up within the next few days. I tried not to panic. She checked his latch, checked his tongue. She watched me feed and all seemed like it was proceeding as it should.
On the third day that the midwife came to weigh my son, he had lost 11% of his birth weight and was clearly jaundiced. The midwife was concerned enough to test him to see if he needed to go back to hospital. My anxiety was now raging. I was a new mother – overwhelmed with emotions and so desperate to protect the little life that was now ours, mine to care for. My son was still lethargic, it was difficult to make him feed for long periods but I persevered, stripped him when he got sleepy, ticked his feet, stroked his throat, made him latch again.
On the fourth time the midwife came to weigh my son, when he was one week old, he had lost nearly 14% of his body weight and his jaundice had worsened.
She said I could give him some formula, now, or he could go to hospital. There was a single bottle of ready-made formula in the cupboard. I had sent my husband to buy it, and some bottles, after the last weigh-in.
We opened it and gave my son a bottle. And he drank. He drank like he had been in the desert for a week. He drank like he had been thirsty for his whole life – I suppose he had. He drank and he drank – 70mls straight off. And I have rarely felt satisfaction like I did in that moment, knowing he was no longer hungry. I have rarely felt unadulterated relief like I did two days later, when the scales said he had regained some of what he had lost.
We began to top up after every breastfeed and started a regime of building my supply. I hoped I would still be able to exclusively breastfeed. I alternated feeding on demand and pumping with an electric pump. After I breastfed, I offered the expressed milk, then a formula top up if he seemed hungry still, then I pumped again. It was a painfully gruelling schedule. There was little time for sleep, little time to enjoy my new baby. I tried to feed more, reduce pumping, reduce formula – but it just wouldn’t happen. My nipples were cracked and bleeding, my spirits at their lowest.
I pumped and I fed and I pumped and I fed. For seven weeks. It didn’t seem like I was any further along than I had been six weeks before. For whatever reason – low supply, poor technique – my son wasn’t satisfied by my milk alone. I could have sought more support – gone to a breastfeeding group, requested a counsellor, phoned La Leche League. But I was broken. Exhausted. Desperate just to feed my baby and feel at peace.
And so I stopped pumping, phased out feeding, increased formula. By the time he was 8 weeks old, my son was exclusively formula fed. The weight piled on – jumped to the 90th centile to match his height. And that was that.
Just over a year later, I was pregnant again. This time, I would learn from my mistakes. This time, I would be successful. I would not be so quick to use formula, I would not be so reluctant to get extra help. This time I would breastfeed for six months, a year, longer if I could.
The details of my second breastfeeding journey are almost identical to the first and so I shall not go over them in detail again.
There was one big difference.
When my son was hungry, tired of suckling for so long without being satiated, he would give up and sleep.
My daughter was – is – a very different child.
When my daughter was hungry, she refused to latch and screamed. For a week, I persevered. For a week, I sobbed while she latched, sucked frantically for a minute or two, pulled away and screamed and screamed and screamed. On her second weigh-in, she had lost 10.5% of her body weight. I gave her a formula top up – and she drank like she was starving. I tried to pump and build supply. I called the breastfeeding counsellor, but my heart was not in it. I just did not feel emotionally prepared to lay all this, all these raw feelings, before strangers. I did not call La Leche or go to breastfeeding groups.
The midwife agreed that my issues may have been related to low supply and offered to help me get Domperidone to boost my milk. But I was too wary of using drugs while breastfeeding, too overwhelmed to think straight or know what was the right thing to do.
I also had a toddler, a toddler who would, in eight months, be diagnosed as autistic. He struggled terribly with his sister’s arrival, screamed when she screamed, sobbed when I was sofa-bound and unable to comfort him, with his sister latched – or screaming – permanently. Seeing him like that was the deciding factor that finally broke me again. It was too hard.
I only reached a month, second time around.
I cherished breastfeeding. I have never experienced a feeling like it, as long as I have lived. Through the pain, tiredness, fear and confusion – it is perfect peace. It is as though time stops, there is only you and your baby. It did feel like the most natural thing in the world – I had those little lives, growing inside me for so many months. My body made them. It seemed perfect that I would continue to nourish them, that my body would give the resources they needed to grow, become strong, and learn. When my babies were latched, suckling, satisfied, I was as content as I ever have been in this life, I think. It is a simple feeling.
I have felt that way since, felt something almost the same while bottle feeding, while watching them sleep– it is not restricted to breastfeeding. But, for me, there is some unknowable element added when breastfeeding my child. I cannot explain it. I will always miss it. I will always feel guilty. It is a huge regret of mine that I took no pictures of my son feeding. I made sure I had some of my daughter.
I tell you this not because I think others should do what I did, not because I think I should have persevered or because I want others to learn from my mistakes. There are those who will have found breastfeeding much easier. There are those who will have overcome struggles different, greater than mine and still breastfed successfully.
I’m not waxing lyrical about how I felt about breastfeeding because I think all mothers should try or because I think that all mothers do – or should – feel that way. I don’t suggest what is right or wrong for you or your family. I don’t have an agenda about promoting breastfeeding, advocating formula, or for doing anything other than what you want to do when caring for your baby.
I simply want to share my experience for this reason and this reason only – breastfeeding is hard; Motherhood can be so, so hard. Know this and know that you are not alone, whatever you face, whatever you decide, whatever you regret, whatever you have to let go, whatever aspect of parenting comes easily, whatever aspect is so, so difficult to overcome – You’re not alone.
You are not alone.
Bless you hun, you are so right nothing about motherhood is easy. Don’t feel guilty (easy to say I know), you did breastfeed your babies – doesn’t matter if it was once, a few days or for years, – every mother has to stop eventually its just that some babies decide that their breastfeeding journeys are going to be shorter than others! Big hugs and thank you for sharing, your littlies are gorgeous & healthy & thats all that matters xxx
Thanks so much for your kind words and for commenting. x
Great read, even for a Dad! My wife didn’t breastfeed but we did discuss it. We decided on formula, it suited us and like you say it’s whatever suits your own family. Parenting is full of these decisions, you can read what you want or watch whichever you want on TV, nothing can prepare you for the actual experience. I wouldn’t ever feel like you’ve failed though, you’ve got 2 healthy children, you made tough decisions based on what they needed, for me anyone that realises and realises quickly that it is the childs needs that over-ride anything we as parents need is a winner in my book 🙂
Thanks so much for commenting. You are right that nothing can prepare you – and everyone’s experience is different so we should know how unhelpful judging anyone else’s choices is! As long asour children are healthy and happy, that’s what is important.
Very well written. I felt every bit of your emotion. You did what was best for your children and should be proud of yourself xx
Thank you so much. x
Thanks for sharing this, it was so well written that it brought tears to my eyes, especially the part about how it felt when you were BFeeding, like the world stopped for that moment, this brought back so many beautiful memories for me. My son is a year old now and I haven’t fed him in four months, and sometimes I do miss it. I look forward to sharing my experience of breastfeeding, documenting the hard truths, not as a campaign like you say just as a means of opening up and hoping it will help someone. You are very brave and an amazing mother to continue for so long despite the hurdles, all of us are just trying to do the best we can. Thanks again for posting this #bigpinklink
Thank you so much for your kind words and for commenting.
You say “for doing anything other than what you want to do when caring for your baby.”
I would actually say that you *wanted* to breastfeed, so I in my head I rephrased this sentence to read “doing anything other than what you *can* do” because, like you said – psychological toll is so great. Yes, the mind says that La Leche League could/should be contacted and things could be done, but after months of gestating, tough labour, sleepless nights it feels impossible to reach out. Becuse it’s not just your chest that would be bare in front of a stranger (breastfeeding consultant) but also your feelings. It is so so hard.
I really enjoyed reading about your experience because it’s so honest and you did your best.
I see what you mean – but ultimately I wanted to stop trying when I did. There were things I could have done to keep trying if I had wanted to. I wanted to emphasise that judging anyone’s choices is unhelpful, especially if you haven’t been in their shoes. Agree completely with what you say about the emotional toll making it so hard though. Thanks so much for your kind words and for commenting.
Fantastic post. I always think the difficulties of breastfeeding need to be talked about more, and mothers need to be reassured that if they stop, they are not a failure.
You’re doing a great job x
#bigpinklink
Thank you so much and thanks for commenting. I agree completely 🙂
With the older of my 2 youngest my story is similar to yours, i tried to pump and feed and i just ended up exhausted, cracked and in pain so after about a month or two we ended up giving formula i remember him drinking the bottle just as you discribed with the youngest i breastfed and formula from the off and managed that till 10 months, i offered the breast first for as long as i could then topped up with a bottle. Of course i recieved comments from people who thought they knew best when in fact only you know whats best for your situation. X
Thanks so much for commenting. I have faced judgement in the past (at baby groups etc) and feel strongly that we all need to support each other. No one knows another’s full story or struggles.
When I was pregnant with T, like you I was determined to breastfeed. But like you, it wasn’t an easy experience. At the hospital, she had problems latching. Back at home, she was also losing weight and finally the midwife suggested mixed feeding, because she warned me, if she kept losing weight, she’d end up in the hospital too and I didn’t want that to happen. I breastfed her and topped it up with formula. But when she was about 3 months old, she refused to breastfeed and that was that. Like you I felt such a failure 🙁 But now I know it’s not just for everyone. Would I recommend breastfeeding? Definitely! At the same time, won’t put bottle feeding mothers-down either. We are all different.
Agree completely! Thanks so much for commenting. x
A beautiful post, and one that definitely needs to be shared. Breastfeeding can be such a touchy subject, with lots of people having very strong, often judgemental opinions about it. I’m all for people having a strong opinion about it, but I cannot abide opinions being forced on to others, because new mothers are already so vulnerable, and so emotional. I think this piece perfectly sums up your opinions and experience, and would be very useful for others in the same situation. My milk didn’t come in with my first baby, and I was devastated. I was determined to rectify my ‘failure’ the second time around. I had a great supply the second time around, but the baby was constantly on and off the breast, and only seemed satisfied if he took the milk from a bottle. So I spent weeks pumping and feeding the milk via a bottle. But we were all miserable. I was miserable because I had engorged, bruising nipples from all the pumping, and my eldest was miserable because he was practically being ignored while all the pumping was going on, so at 4 months I phased out the pump and gave formula. Everybody has a unique feeding experience, and none is right or wrong-perfectly summed up by your message here. Thanks so much for sharing with #bigpinklink.
Thanks so much for your kind words. You’re so right. I am so pro breastdfeeding and absolutely agree with every argument for it – but life is much more complicated than that sometimes. And judging each other helps no one. Thanks so much for commenting.
Toughest thing I have ever done because there is no-one else, nobody, who can step into your place and you’re exhausted. Because it was hard, like a marathon, I am so proud of achieving my goals.
For me, the thing that broke me was not the exhaustion – though that was very hard too – but the fear and difficulty when they didn’t thrive, however hard I tried. You should be very proud of such a lovely achievement 🙂
Such a beautifully honest post to read and I hope it helps others in the same situation x
Thanks so much. x
Reading this just makes me gain so much more respect not just for my own mother but all mothers who go through things like these for their children. 🙂 Thanks for sharing not only for other mothers or mothers-to-be but everyone… it’s something that we all need more awareness of.
Oliver • http://suedeandsymphony.com
You’re right and thanks so much for commenting 🙂
It always makes me realise just how lucky I was when I read others’ breastfeeding stories. My son lost over 10% of his birth weight and we had to stay in hospital for another day under instructions to gain some back before we were allowed to go home. I spent those 24 hours with him attached to my boob, and luckily we succeeded-possibly at least partly due to him doing a huge poo just AFTER the big weighing-in moment the next day. If it had been before, our entire breastfeeding journey could have ended right there! #bigpinklink
Thanks so much for commenting. I think I will always regret not quite knowing what our problem was each time – whether my supply really was so low that it couldn’t have worked without the drugs. But I guess I’ll never know and I will have to let it go!
It is so hard when it doesn’t go as you imagined – your experience resonated with me. I stopped feeding my son before I was really ready because I was going back to work, although he didn’t really take to it very well I persevered for four, nearly five months. With my daughter it started so well, but ended with her screaming, writhing and refusing to feed. She had to have formula in the end, lactose free. That was when she started to grow! I had wanted it all to turn out so differently, but I have had to let go of that. Maybe with the next one things will run a bit more smoothly..? 😉
x Alice
#bigpinklink
Ahhh I have had all my babies now (I think!) but I think I have made peace with my experience, even though there will always be a little regret. Thanks for commenting.
Thanks for sharing this – I think it’s so important that we talk about our breastfeeding experiences more, whether they are positive, negative, or somewhere in between. Your experience chimes with my own in that as new mums we put so much pressure on ourselves to breastfeed – it was something I was fairly relaxed about before I became a mum, but once I’d given birth I was determined to make it work, and put a huge (and in hindsight, totally unnecessary) stress on myself. I think where we get it wrong in this country is that there is so much pressure put on mums to breastfeed by midwives, but it’s only the positive health benefits that are talked about – no-one mentions the difficulties that many people have. I was lucky in that I found that it did get easier as time went on, but no-one should feel guilty for stopping if it’s not working out. As always, you write so honestly, and this is such a good read for anyone who is pregnant and wanting to breastfeed. #bigpinklink
Thanks so much for commenting and for your kind words. I agree completely 🙂
This is definitely something that needed to be shared. I had a fairly similar experience with my son, but not to the extreme of yours. His blood sugar was low (I’d had gestational diabetes too) and we had to top up with formula. I really struggled to breastfeed but felt so much pressure to carry on, even though I’d lost a lot of weight while pregnant and was underweight (not that the midwives were concerned, as long as I was breastfeeding). I’m now pregnant again, and from the start have said if breastfeeding is as difficult I’m not putting myself through it. I saw what a difference formula made to my son and admit now I probably should have given it sooner. That said, I’m already being asked by people how I’m going to feed, and I know I’ll feel pressure not to formula feed again. It can be so tough, but people rarely tell you that.
Sorry for the essay!
Alana x
Second time around I was torn between giving it everything to be successful and just bottle feeding from the off, to save myself the heartache. But we shouldn’t have to feel that way. Thanks so much for commenting.
I feel you! Our struggle was not the same as yours, but the outcome was similar and my feelings about it match yours exactly.
Thank you so much for posting this. I had no idea that breastfeeding could be so hard and problematic. Maybe if I had read a blog like this before I had my second son, I might have felt less guilt-ridden and alone for what I saw as my ultimate failure.
My breastfeeding post is here, in case you’re interested: https://motherhoodirl.wordpress.com/2016/03/22/dear-jamie-oliver/
X
Thanks so much for commenting. Hopefully talking about it can help us, and other women, feel less like failures. Will take a look at your post in a bit! 🙂
I’m sorry breastfeeding didn’t work out the way you hoped, but you did your best and that’s all you can hope for. This is a brilliant piece, giving mothers encouragement and showing understanding that it doesn’t matter how you choose / have to feed your baby, as long as they are healthy that’s all that matters! xxx
Thanks so much for your kind words and for commenting 🙂
What a wonderfully honest and helpful post. You’re right about breastfeeding being so hard and it doesn’t always work out for some mums, but nobody really tells you that I think. I breastfed my 1st baby and currently feeding my second, who is 6 months. We had very shaky starts but all settled down. Well done on all you did for your babies, which is your best. xx
I knew it could be hard but only really about how much feeding would be needed – I never thought they would be so hungry and I would struggle to actually feed in that sense. Thanks so much for commenting.
Don’t feel guilty – you have to do what’s best for your baby. We’re so lucky now that we have other options, not just ‘pap’, nobody should be made to feel bad for needing to use them. I was fully intending to breastfeed but Marianna was on NICU for weeks being tubefed. Sometimes these things are just out of our control. x
I feel much better about it now but I think I will always have just a little regret. But you’re right that we shouldn’t feel guilty. I guess regret is slightly different? Thanks so much for commenting.
My wife told me how she struggled when she was feeding our daughter (My step-daughter as we were not married at this point, or even knew each other).
My wife was not able to produce any milk what so ever. All the nurses told her to keep trying, but as she was in a 3rd world country, Tonga to be exact. They did not have the expertise like their neighbouring New Zealand did. Eventually, my wife started her daughter on Bottled formula and now she is a boisterous 7 year old girl. She has told me this story so many times, I know it from the back of my hand. I have been told so many times, how important it is for a woman to breastfeed almost straight away. When I hear of how women feel frustrated they are not able to for medical reason, I am reminded of how my wife suffered the same thing.
Thank you for sharing.
John M
It is really important that we share these stories so that women understand the issues and don’t have to feel that way. Thanks for commenting.
My breastfeeding story is something similar. It’s so hard yet so easy and it’s only when you have more than one experience that you realise it’s unique circumstances and individual babies each time.
Thanks for commenting. It was very difficult at the time but glad I can move on now and still have some lovely memories of it.
I felt your emotion with every word that you wrote. My friend felt exactly the same as you and said that breastfeeding made her feel closer to her baby. You are so brave xxx
Thanks for commenting and your kind words 🙂
You sound like a wonderful mummy. Selflessly putting yourself through all that pain, emotional turmoil and being exhausted with it. Xxx
Ahhh thank you. I really didn’t feel selfless though – there was definitely more I could have done to keep going. But I was too confused and emotional. I have made peace with it now though, mostly. Thanks for commenting and your kind words 🙂
Don;t ever feel guilty, its a nightmare trying your best to breast feed and it just doesn’t happen, I clearly remember sitting on the bed with hot towels on my boobs (apparently it encourages milk) and tears streaming, trying to express for my baby in scbu. My daughter has 6 children, 4 seemed to be constantly feeding and like big bulls, the other 2 would not feed not matter what she tried they eventually thrived on formula, you have to play it by ear, lovely read, I could feel the anguish behind the words. #BigPinkLink
I had a midwife on each boob for twnety minutes with syringes trying to get colostrum in hospital! I have mostly made peace with it but don’t think I’ll ever get rid of the negative feelings totally as it was a great disappointment to me. But the time flies and it’s so soon in the past. Thanks so much for commenting.
Breastfeeding is so hard, so please don’t feel guilty at all, you managed to breastfeed both of your children for some time, a lot of people don’t. I would give yourself a big pat on the back for that. I’m also a believer that breastfeeding is not the be and end all, as long as you have a happy and healthy baby that’s what matters. I really enjoyed reading this post, thank you for sharing. Claire x #bigpinklink
Thanks so much. I think I have mostly made peace with it now (though will always be a bit wistful!). Thanks for commenting 🙂
I breastfed 4 out of 6 of mine but I wasn’t a mum who enjoyed it
I did enjoy it – the actual physical breastfeeding – but I hated a lot of the feelings that went with it. I really think more needs to be done to help women feel positive about feeding, whatever method they chose. Thanks for commenting 🙂
I really enjoyed breastfeeding, it was great to bond with little man and, if everything goes right, I am planning on breastfeeding our next one!
http://lilinhaangel.com/
Good luck! No more babies for me now, I don’t think, but I am glad I still have some really lovely memories from the short time I fed both of mine.
What an emotional post – I almost cried reading it. Thank you for sharing your story, and well done for persevering as much as you did. I’m not sure I would have been able to, in your situation. I’m lucky – I suffered from cracked nipples and thrush, but neither to such a degree that I was unable to feed. I think it is strange that breastfeeding is pushed so much during pregnancy but then the support isn’t there once the baby has arrived. Your children will have both benefited greatly from the breastmilk they did get through your determination – well done! You definitely have nothing to feel guilty about.
#bigpinklink
Thanks so much for commenting. I think I really could have accessed more support. I knew where to look but it just wasn’t something I was mentally capable of setting up at the time. I have made peace, mostly, now 🙂
I am not a mum yet so I can only sympathize but glad you shared your story.
Thank you 🙂
I had GD when pregnant and my little one’s blood sugars dipped so I had to give him formula to help pick them up. Thankfully I went on to BF well with him. Eliza was born like super girl with her arm by her head – she struggled to feed and it turned out she had a stiff neck that was cured by a visit to the chiropractor. Luckily my support network was brilliant and we got though it but it was tough at the time
Thanks for commenting 🙂
Wow. What a post. What an incredibly honest post. I had a similar experience with you to breastfeeding (I wrote about it several times on my blog if you want to read) and gave up on day 6. I was emotionally and physically exhausted, almost broken and my son lost of 10% of his birth weight and was jaundice. It was for myself, and my son, the best decision I ever made and not once have I ever regretted even now 2 and a half years on. I really felt for you while reading this post. Thank you for sharing. #bigpinklink
Thank you for writing about your experiences with breastfeeding. My first baby is due in early June and, while I intend to try breastfeeding, I think we’ll have some ready-made formula in the house, just in case, as I am worried about how I’ll get on and don’t want to feel like there isn’t an alternative. Thank you for letting me know that this would be ok! #BloggerClubUK
I have a story almost exactly the same as your first experience and I feel it clouded my whole view of motherhood and started it in such a negative light as I felt like a failure from day one. The moment my son drank formula for the first time and finally looked satisfied will haunt me forever as it made me feel so guilty for depriving him for so long of the sustenance he needed. I am now 30 weeks pregnant with baby number two and in the decision making process of what to do feeding the new baby, despite my experience with my first I still feel an enormous pressure to “try” again as it feels you’re only allowed to swap to formula if you have ‘tried’, and yet when I even think about it all those desperate emotions and feelings come flooding back (the dread when they start to cry, knowing they need feeding etc), so I have decided to formula feed from day 1 (a controversial decision but it shouldn’t be!) I am of the opinion that a happy mum can raise a happy baby and if my mental health isn’t looked after no amount of “magic breastmilk” will fix that.
Thank you for sharing your post as its given me a little more strength to stand by what I believe is right for ME.
I very nearly did exactly the same second time. It’s hard to escape the expectations of what others think we should do… and the personal regret of something you genuinely wanted to give your best shot… but you are completely right. Let those pressures melt away, do what *you* want to do and enjoy your baby. Good luck! x
Such a honest post. Every baby and mother is different and each decision is your own decision. You did everything you had to do and more. We gave formula top ups for a few days because of weight loss. What I found from others after though is this is very common and it doesn’t take “10” days to regain birth weight in breastfed babies like my midwife told us. Doing it again I would trust in my baby more and forgo the formula. x
Bless you, this is such a powerful and important post. In many ways, I feel I could have written it myself, as my daughter had low blood sugar when she was born. Sadly, I had to go into surgery for a few hours after her birth and so her first feed was formula. Once I had recovered we tried breast feeding but with little luck. And so I expressed and formula fed. It was hard. I felt like I had failed. But I knew that I was just trying to do the best for my baby. Motherhood is so so hard. You are right. No one can prepare you for it. You just have to do what you feel is right for you and your family at the time. Brilliant post lovely. Hugs Lucy xxxx
It’s wonderful that you are sharing your experience with such honesty. I’ve heard this same story from other mothers. It seems as if sometimes there just isn’t enough milk coming for baby. It’s good that you switched to formula as needed & that you are sharing your story. We have to do what’s best for our babies whether it was part of our plan or not. Thanks so much for joining us at #bloggerclubuk
I am sure this post will help another mother going through the same thing. Its so tough and this post is lovely and well written. I ended up combination feeding Monkey at 10 weeks as I didn’t have enough milk to keep him satisfied. I will take the experience with Kipper as it comes x
Hi!
I’m a La Leche League member and I wanted to say thank you for sharing your breastfeeding relationships with such honesty – this post, I feel sure will be helpful and comforting to many women.
It’s quite rare that you hear a woman describe why she didn’t seek help; that you hear a woman say “I was broken”. But it so desperately needs to be said and this state of affairs needs to be addressed because women are, in fact broken by a negligent system which puts pressure on them to breastfeed but does not have the expertise to support them.
Women make the decision to put themselves and their babies first in the face of this massively unjust situation everyday. Thank goodness. And they and their babies are happier for it.
My feeling is that when women are this vulnerable the onus should not be on them to go and seek assistance, the assistance should come to them. If you tick the “I would like to breastfeed” box you should automatically get the expert breastfeeding support you need. Not from a charity which you have to seek out, but from a healthcare professional, in your own home, just like the post-natal midwife and health visitor visits.
If this were the case a lot of women would feel more content with their breastfeeding relationships, how they began, and how they ended.
Thank you for sharing and for sharing the LLL link.
Wow, what a journey you have been on. I have always taken breastfeeding for granted (I breastfed my eldest for 14 months, and am currently breastfeeding my 9 month old) but reading this has made me realises how lucky I am. Fed is best, and formula isn’t liquid poison. If I had trouble I would definitely give formula with no hesitation. They say even 1 day of breastfeeding benefits the baby so well done xxxx