It’s official – I’m a bad listener. In the white-hot energy of an introductory conversation, I will not ask you questions. I won’t inquire about your work, your family, the ages of your children. I know which questions should be asked. They press on my chest, tug at my sleeve, get stuck on my tongue.… Read More
I am anxious. I’m anxious about the virus. I’m anxious about medical tests and the fact that I have not had any work this month. I am anxious about money and the future and about the driving I have to do tomorrow and how my son will cope with exams and my daughter’s cough… and… Read More
I have not left you crying in a very, very long time, gorgeous boy. This morning I did. I left your classroom as tears were streaming down your face. I left you in anguish. The knowledge will sit with me, like a stone in my gut, until I collect you again. I know you will… Read More
I may not be as vocal as you, gorgeous boy, but uncertainty scares me just as much as it scares you. When you started school, the weight returned. The unanswered questions pressed down on my chest. The heaviness of our responsibility made my movements feel slow, sluggish. When you were distraught, when you told me… Read More
We are luckier than many, when it comes to sleep. After a rocky start, like most babies, my boy started sleeping through the night at around 18 months. And so it has been since then, for the most part. Oh, there have been times of illness and stress, patches where he wakes frequently in the… Read More
When I was seven, I had a ruptured appendix that resulted in peritonitis and gangrene. I was in the hospital for a month, had weeks off school, and even when I returned, I could not play outside or do PE (I liked that bit.) While I was in hospital, I received a delivery from my… Read More
I passed my driving test on the ninth attempt. Yes – ninth. Some of my best anecdotes came out of those tests. I once made Sarah Turner (of The Unmumsy Mum fame) properly laugh out loud with one of my driving test stories. I am quite proud of that. On one test, I drove into… Read More
My son stutters. The way he speaks can vary massively – and does so from hour to hour, from sentence to sentence. Sometimes he will speak fluently and extensively, for several minutes in a row. Stuttering and Autism are inextricably linked for him. Sometimes it will take him several minutes to get a single word… Read More
A boy and a girl stand in front of a Christmas tree, holding hands, smiles beaming. They are dressed smartly, in tartan and check. The boy is in blue and the girl in red. Behind them, the lights of the tree twinkle and glow. Red and gold baubles glint against the green. A perfect scene.… Read More
At the school Christmas Fair, on benches decorated with red and green, a boy is howling and screaming at his little sister. You may see his mother, whispering into his ear, holding him tight, as he flinches and kicks out and wails. The small girl beside him is sobbing. The mother and father try to… Read More
I have been worried my whole life. Fear is my constant companion. As soon as I was old enough to know that pain and death existed, I feared for the times when they would happen to me. When I had children, this worsened – there was so much more to lose. The worry is always… Read More
Little boy, when you flap, when you grimace, when you contort your body into strange shapes and trot on your toes, some people do not know how to react. Some people, my love, have not heard of stimming. When you twist your hands in front of your face and warp your mouth and scrunch up your… Read More