I recently returned to my profession of twelve years after my second period of maternity leave: English teaching. I am the mother of two tiny people, a girl, aged one and a boy, aged three.
Parenthood is a job that requires us to give up almost all of our time and energy for the well-being of another. Teachers too are, by nature, givers. The desire to help others, to give something of ourselves up for their inspiration, their betterment, is at the heart of belonging in the classroom. So we find ourselves giving. And giving. And giving.
When I was a young and idealistic teacher, the pressures of the job were a price I was willing to pay for the unrivalled satisfaction of knowing I was truly helping a young person. I would mark into the night, spend hours perfecting a lesson or making resources, run clubs and go on trips and… There was no line between my job and who I was. I was a teacher.
Now I am a mother. And I keep giving.
I have held my pale and whimpering baby as she struggles for breath in a stark hospital room, while emailing cover, one-handed from my phone. I have sent my wailing toddler to nursery with a fever of 40 because the anxiety and workload of having a day off is too much to bear, and there is nobody else to watch him. I have stayed late to finish some marking or talk to a student even though the hours until bedtime are ticking away, and those precious moments with my children are painfully fleeting. I have marked with my daughter crying at my feet because there are deadlines that have to be met. I have cried too, stroking her hair with my free hand, desperately seeking to comfort her distress.
I have felt the hot spike of shame and regret when my absence – my failing – pushes a stressed colleague closer to breaking point and I have despaired that there is nothing – nothing- I can do about it. I have taught a five period day followed by a parents’ evening on two hours sleep and felt sick with exhaustion and overwhelmed with heartache that I didn’t get to kiss my children goodnight.
I have felt like a bad mother. I have felt like a bad teacher. I have felt like there is no way to give enough time, enough effort, enough of me, to both. I feel like I am not enough. Because both roles are all-consuming. At times, it has nearly broken me.
In the short years since I started my family, not long after the coalition government came to power, I have seen the monitoring and paperwork that my colleagues and I have to endure increase in volume and perceived importance. I have seen us all struggle to keep up with three specification changes and an end to re-sits. I have seen the number of times I am observed increase from three times a year to nearer three times a term. I have seen testing increase and the content we are asked to teach become more prescriptive.
In the wake of all this extra pressure, I have seen my pay, which barely covers my childcare costs, become performance-based, meaning that prioritising my students over my own children becomes even more difficult to avoid, even when there is only so much I can do to ensure the exam success of my pupils.
I have seen my planning time taken away, my contact time increase, my pension reduced, and my school’s budget cut. But I keep giving. We all keep giving, in the face of our time, our resources, our rights, even our sanity being taken away. I have been treated for stress and anxiety and witnessed colleagues suffer similarly.
More than this, as a parent, my profession is taking something far, far more precious from me: the brief years when my children really need me.
A friend recently spoke to me about the possibly of changing careers, now that she is a mother. Teaching really appeals she says – because of the long holidays with the children and school hours. “Teaching is so family friendly.”
I stare at her, open-mouthed, for a moment or two.
Teaching is not family friendly at all, I say, sadly. Maybe it was, once. For me, teaching is constantly in conflict with my family life. There’s just no way to be a mother and a teacher and feel successful at both. Every single day, I feel like I am letting someone down. I am stretched thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. I honestly don’t know how long I can sustain it. I still love my subject, enjoy sharing that love with students and watching them grow and achieve – but ultimately I love my own children more and letting them down makes me hate myself.
So why am I still in the profession, I hear you ask? It’s simple; I am a teacher. I don’t know how to be anything else. I am also a mother and I can’t be anything else. Unless we can make teaching family friendly again, I am doomed to be in conflict with myself indefinitely, or leave the profession. Whether I can manage the huge weight of my conflicting responsibilities and pressures remains to be seen.
Today, I left my little girl wracked with coughs and sobs, tears streaming down her face, and I went to work – though every fibre of my being begged me to stay, to comfort, to be a mother.
Today, I hate myself.
Today, I feel like my teaching days are numbered.
Since writing this post, I have left teaching. To read about how I came to this decision, and the outcome, take a look at these posts:
‘Teaching: a break-up letter.’
I have also discovered that I am autistic, and was diagnosed in April 2019:
An Adult Autism Diagnosis at 37
***
Someone's Mum 
Very interesting post & the paperwork teachers endure is ridiculous as is the yr1 phonics test but I think most jobs cause a struggle if you have children. I’m lucky my job is 20 hours a week & I don’t have to worry once home but you still have to juggle illness, homework, special days like sports day that you can’t attend. Working vs motherhood is a battle. I could never manage full time I feel you miss too much. Could you job share? Only work 2 or 3 days a week? Hope you can find a resolution & don’t beat yourself up we all just do our best.
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It is so tough. I don’t know what the solution is. Thanks so much for commenting.
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Teachers are amazing people! As a husband and son of a teacher it is frustrating that all teachers tend to talk about is school. Just so you guys know it is a pressure as a family member to hear nothing but school. I think my wife is probably one of the best teachers out there but it absolutely takes a toll on a family. I’m not going anywhere because as a father of three we need that passion but not all husbands would understand. Find your balance!!!
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Wow what a powerful post! I am so sad to hear you feel such guilt – what ever you do, do what is right for you and your family, Life is very short. xx #BloggerClubUK
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Thanks so much x
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I can empathise with this no end. Teaching in Scotland so slightly different changes to education but we’ve had a complete overhaul too with little to no extra planning etc. Marking at times is crippling. I don’t think the pressure to keep doing more and giving more ends. At no point ever have I seen someone say – wow ok we have to introduce a new exam system to three different levels so let’s cut something else for you to have time! Haha.
And yes, horrible mum vs horrible teacher – I know the feeling. I have no answers only empathy!!
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Thank you. I wish I had solutions to offer instead of being so pessimistic but I was having such a bad few weeks when I wrote it! Thanks so much for your lovely comment.
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I am in awe of working mothers. I am in awe of teachers. It saddens me to see how teachers are treated in this country. I have friends here who have given up teaching precisely because of what you’ve just written in your post. And it’s really sad. One left the country and is now teaching in a private school in Mexico. To think that he actually gave up a high-paying job in London to become an IT teacher here. But the stress was too much for him. Now he is enjoying teaching again, because the stress-level isn’t as high as the ones he had here in the UK. I come from a family of teachers (my mum was a Physics Professor, aunts were Primary school teachers, my husband teaches history with the OU). My mum always said that teaching is a vocation not a career. Hats off to all teachers! Sorry for the long comment. x
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Not at all! It’s lovely to get long comments! Thanks for your kinds words. It’s the workload that’s ridiculous. It’s always been a lot but has got so much worse recently. We’d all be better teachers, and happier, if the powers that be would take us seriously about helping to reduce it! Thank you.
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This is why I left!
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It’s not surprising so many of us are leaving. Thanks so much for commenting.
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Can completely empathise with your post.I am now a supply teacher and do not work full time.I have a girl of 17 and a boy of 13.I refused to let teaching define me but it’s been hard and we , as a family have had to make a lot of sacrifices. It got to a point when I was working full time (primary teacher), that something seriously had to give as I was becoming a terrible teacher and an even worse mum and I was giving both jobs my absolute all! You are so right when you say we are givers, as we are and the guilt we often feel is immense.
I never felt like I was there for my children and I was missing so much.I love teaching but I hate being a teacher, some don’t understand that but a lot do.I was never ambitious, I just wanted to be a teacher.
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Thank you so much for commenting. I think it’s a real crisis for teachers – The workload is too great to bear for all of us.
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This resonates with me being an English teacher with tow young ones. I was on my way to the hospital miscarrying my first child and texting in cover work so my classes didn’t fall behind! Its madness!
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I have had a similar experience to that, too. So sorry that you have had to be concerned about work at such a time. It’s really hard to explain just how much pressure there is on everyone to anyone who doesn’t know first-hand. Thanks for commenting.
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Just read this over on Netmums. I don’t know how you do it lovely. I felt utterly helpless and heartbroken for you and then it made me stop and think of the teachers, many of whom are mums, at my children’s school.
They’re probably all feeling the same struggle. We have parents evening tonight and the teachers will be there, until late, reassuring parents and helping them understand just some of the battles you face during the day in helping our children. You’re not paid enough, the performance pay is an utter joke and the government should be ashamed of themselves.
I hope you come to a decision soon. Maybe a job share or a more teaching support type role. I don’t know. All I do know is I really appreciate all you and your fellow teachers do. Without you guys, there is no future generation.xx
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Thank you. What a lovely comment 😊Will be soldiering on till the end of this academic year at least! xx
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I am a Chemistry teacher and have two young children aged 5 and 3. I chose to go part time as soon as I had my first child, and I would never consider working full time as a teacher now because I know I would never be able to fulfill my role as teacher and a responsible parent at the same time.
As much as I love teaching, my own children will always be my priority and because I have this at the forefront of my mind, the decision to put teaching 2nd was always easy. I can now juggle my workload relatively easily and get to spend the valuable time my children.
If you are spending so much on childcare, why not consider taking a pay-cut and going part-time? That way, you save on childcare, you could actually manage your workload better and get to spend time with your children as well.
With all respect, it just seems that so many people comment on how difficult it is to manage full time and still have time for children, when in reality they could consider part time positions, but simply don’t want to, because it means having to cope with a pay-cut – something that many people would rather not do. Even if it means they have more time to spend with their children.
It’s about sacrificing something. For me, that was my full time teaching job. Not the time with my kids. And because of the decision I made, I can now be happy knowing I am giving the best to both my students and my children.
You’re no good to anyone when stressed and anxious. Least of all your children.
Ultimately it’s up to you to put something first, rather than try to juggle both jobs and then get anxious and stressed when you find you can’t do both.
I hope this helps.
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I totally agree with you. I only worked part time while raising my three children. We did without during those years( rented an apartment, one car, no expensive vacations). I have no regrets. I was there for them, caring for them, playing with them, baking, sewing costumes, etc. . I now have wonderful memories of the happy years.
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Hi
I am also an English teacher and mother but I have gone self employed as a tutor and editor because of all the reasons you state here.
It makes my blood boil when people suggest teaching somehow fits in with family life ‘as you get all those holidays’ etc etc
I have no regrets and have built up a nice business which I control. I earn more and dont have loads of stupid paperwork and inspections to fret about
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That sounds brilliant. It is something I have looked into but found the idea of being self – employed very daunting after so long in the profession. I am still considering it! Thanks so much for commenting ☺
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This is such an interesting and sad post. My mum is a recently retired teacher and when I was little the profession certainly was family friendly. She was able to go back on part time hours once my little sister started school, and we enjoyed lots of summer holidays together. I never seem to remember her doing endless marking in the evenings, or planning at the weekends. But I can see so clearly in her how much the job changed over the years, and how her love for it diminished as the admin and the pressure became more and more intense. I’ll never forget when I voiced that I might want to be a teacher and she did her utmost to persuade me otherwise (which did work!)
I really hope that something changes and you can find a better work-life balance (although that seems a bit of an unfair comment as it puts the onus on you, when it’s really the government that needs to adjust it’s attitude towards education)
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Thank you. I think you’re right – something definitely needs to be done as teaching is heading for a crisis otherwise. Thanks for commenting.
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Oh this is such a painful and heartbreaking post to read. You know my feelings on it and I won’t start ranting again but it is awful that fantastic teachers like yourself are being made to feel like they are failing and being made to feel like they have to choose between teaching and their family. In the end I had to choose my family but I still miss teaching and I can’t imagine what I will do when my youngest starts school as like you say I can’t imagine what other career I would want. I really hope that something changes in teaching so that you aren’t forced to make the decision to leave. Teaching is no longer family friendly and more people need to be made aware of that. I knew people that left working in finance to work in teaching because they wanted less hours and then they found they were working more hours in teaching so they returned to finance where at least they got the money for the long hours. But like you say a true teacher doesn’t do it for the money, they do because they care and they want to inspire and educate . However with the never ending paperwork this is made very difficult. Anyway I realise that I am ranting again so I will end it here! Xx
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Thanks so much for commenting. You are so right. I see it all around me and not just colleagues with children. We’re all stretched to breaking point. I’ll be soldiering on for this academic year at least. Don’t worry, rant away! Thanks so much your kind words. x
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my daughter is an English teacher and she is really torn about having children – for a lot of the reasons you have mentioned. I think she’ll probably be in your shoes one day – it’s hard being a working mum (especially when your children are sick!)
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It is really tough. The last few weeks have been heartbreaking with both mine so poorly. Thanks for commenting.
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Hi.. i remember going back after first maternity leave and realising that i couldn’t be both the perfect mother and perfect teacher. Something has got to give. It’s horrendous.
I work 3 days at the moment and i’m still don’t feel up to date with any of it!
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And the government wonder why they struggle to find good teachers! It sounds like a thankless job with very little benefits. I guess that’s why they say it’s a calling. You have to care enough about the students to put up with everything else.
Debbie
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Thank you. It can be wonderfully rewarding at times. But these days those moments are far outweighed by stress and anxiety. Thanks for commenting.
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I have had 5 years “out” as a stay at home mum, for exactly this reason- because I knew that teaching and having 2 kids only 18 months apart, would never work ( for me!) Teaching is not family friendly. My husband’s salary was less than mine, but we have struggled for 5 years, as I knew, I couldn’t manage, both roles successfully. I am in total awe of anyone that makes this work, I think a lot depends on your childcare options, ( I didn’t have any except nursery)your Head, your school, the culture of your school and your support network. I have had many people tell me, once they are parents, that they want to teach so they will have all the holidays off. Including those that confidentially tell me you can leave to collect your children by 4pm! I know teacher friends Who are regularly staying awake all night to mark, as they can’t do if when their babies are awake!
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Thanks so much. Our only option is nursery too. All relatives live hundreds of miles away and we’re both teachers. Part of the huge problem is my son and daughter are so unwell all the time. But the other side is that everyone is so overworked and stressed that any absence just generates huge amounts of work and stress for those off and those left to cover etc. Thanks so much for commenting.
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Maybe, the children are so unwell because they are also stressed! I like many others would not of been able to hold down a full time job and bring up my 3 children. I think partly because we are givers we need to give our all to either, cylinder nor career. I definitely struggled with the conflict. They are only young once, don’t look back and say I wish, as you can’t turn back the clock. Good luck with your future and look after those little ones they only have one Mum. Xxxx
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Brilliant post. I’m not a teacher although I worked in teacher training (strategy) for many years so I have some insight into the reality behind the profession. I have lost count of the amount of burnt out, career-changers I have met who have entered teaching full of enthusiasm and life to be former shadows of themselves after a very short time in their ‘vocation’.
Yes lots of jobs have their pressures that is true, but I think that people are blinded by the holidays and short days that teachers have. It’s quite laughable really, short days?!? I know very few teachers who aren’t working every evening after school and at least one weekend day.
My husband started a PGCE a few years ago and I saw first hand how gruelling just the training was. He never finished it and I totally supported his decision. Thesedays I think that teaching is a career for young singletons with no life. It’s virtually impossible to have a family life and teach 😦
I’ve seen the changes in teaching over the years and it’s not good. Retention is shocking. As for me I left my job in teacher training at the end of 2014. The coalition removed almost every source of additional funding I worked with and I asked for voluntary redundancy.
But hey, think of the holidays 😉
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I have been there! After thirteen years in the profession, a profession I never thought I would leave, I have come to the conclusion, I need s break for my children. After being off sick with stress and anxiety since October, I have made the heartbreaking decision to leave. I love my job, I need my salary, but I as doing 60- 70hours a week and rarely got back for bedtime. I miss the children and families I have got to know so well over the last ten years at that school but it really is unsustainable. Hubby was becoming less supportive of my long hours, due to pay freezes and pension increases, he has fancied me leaving for a few years,and pursuing something else, but it was neve on my agenda, I am teacher through and through and can’t imagine anything else. This last few weeks, I have begun setting up a business, something I have thought about for years, but never dared to do! Now is the time, and if it doesn’t work, so be it, I will go back and pursue my dream of headship; but hopefully once there is more appreciation from the government and a better work life balance. With children 2, 5 and 7 , I simply need to devote more energy to them. After being off sick, my kids want me to try something different- so Learning Legendz is being born…. Eek http://learninglegendz.com
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I’m a teacher too and have been back at work for a couple of months at a primary school. Honestly, I could have written parts of this post. The guilt is huge towards home and school and how you get that balance between home and school I just don’t know. I’m one of those thinking of leaving because I don’t feel I can give my school kids all that they deserve. How can I? But like you said what else would i do? I’m a teacher.
very well written x
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I am also an English teacher and have two children who are 7 and 9. In some ways it is a little easier now they are older and they don’t physically need me as much. However, I often still feel I am letting them down. I use up all my energy and patience on the kids at school and then have none left for them and find myself snapping at them. I feel like they are getting a raw deal from me…x
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Teaching is so underated these days and people don’t understand the commitment that teachers make, your day isn’t 9-5 and doesn’t end when you get home, you adopt other peoples monsters because you want them to succeed and all the while having your own family. Well done you because I certainly couldn’t do it! xx
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Totally agree. I was a teacher and a mum of three little ones. I wasn’t doing anything properly. Now I’m lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mum. I miss the children I used to teach but there is so much about teaching that I dont miss.
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I teach part time. Basically I work evenings and weekends and get paid for 3 days work. Whenever I sit down to play with the children or watch TV in the evenings, its with guilt that I should be marking, or I should be differentiating the next lot of lessons, or I should be reading the freshly updated set of IEPs. There’s never enough time to do everything I should be doing. I don’t know how much longer I can carry on. I don’t know how anyone doing the job full time is still sane 😦
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Sadly, I think this is true of most situations working mums find themselves in – it’s not something which only relates to teachers. As a lawyer my hours were crazy pre-children (especially when completing a deal) in at 7 not home until the early hours. I made the switch to an in house role shortly after getting married as I knew I couldn’t continue in that vein when we had kids. However, even that position saw an 8 am start – so leaving the house before 7 am and not returning until 7-7.30 at night. I barely saw my child. I did that for approx 15 months and then decided I was missing too much. My child was missing me. I stepped back from my career 3 years ago. It was the best thing I ever did. So, in today’s market all working mums have it tough…
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I agree. While there are specific demands to teaching, on balance I think any working mother these days struggles to find time for her job and family. I was a paediatric nurse, and I, too, have left a poorly child at home to go and look after other people’s sick children (many of them were less sick than mine, due to the panic induced in a child with a fever and rushing them into hospital). Working nights and weekends, is just part of the job but, getting any allowance for being a parent was impossible. When I went into lecturing I found I was marking every evening, and all day Sunday, not spending valuable time with my children. Then, as a Health Visitor, again, helping families get by, the only way to cover the caseload was to work flat out in the day and catch up on paperwork at home. Plus, I was a single parent, so the workload felt double.
My girls have left home now. I am too sick to work, and have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and I am sure it is because I spent too many years running myself ragged, trying to do a good job all round, and constantly feeling a failure. It’s not just teaching, although this is a well written and heart-rending account, it’s most jobs – and I think it’s getting worse as time goes by.
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this is totally the reason I am avoiding going back to teaching…am looking for other school based work like Teaching assistant, office admin etc so that I don’t have the out of hours extras that come with teaching..hang in there. 😦
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This was me. I am now a supply teacher and it’s the best decision I could have made for my family. I now have my evenings and all of my weekends to devote to my family and myself. The money is less but the time I have with my family more than makes up for it.
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What an honest and true post. I went back to Maths teaching after my first child and requested part-time (which I got – 4days a week) but it is a never ending juggle which only just works when everything is running smoothly but if either child is ill, or I’m unwell or our childcare arrangements fall through, it’s very stressful. Added to that is the ever growing expectations from school. An older colleague gave me the advice last year when I was frazzled, “Remember that your children will be with you for a lifetime – invest most in them” and I try to keep this at the front of my decisions, but end up feeling guilty that I’m not doing my job as best as I’d like to. I don’t think that there’s an easy road but know that you’re not alone x
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I have a 3 year old and a 10 month old. I have just gone back after mat leave. I am SENCO in a high school and teach only GCSE and A level. I am resigning. I need to be there for my children for a bit, and if that means no money, so be it.
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Unfortunately even if you change profession I don’t think it’s easy to get the balance right. I work full time and have a 2 and a 4 year old. I have a demanding job which pushes me to work 50+ weeks regularly. I’m fortunate that I do have family support now, but only after upping sticks and moving us all 300 miles to be closer to it. The guilt and the longing is still with me though. I chose to have my children, they are my number 1 priority and I want to to spend as much time as possible with them, but I still have a mortgage to pay. It’s an ongoing internal battle that I think all mothers have to some degree, guilt seems to come with the title mother. I’ve also thought about changing roles and becoming a teacher. Not because it’s easier or more family friendly, there are precious few jobs like that out there, but it is more worthwhile. Teachers do an amazing job, it’s a vocation, and while this government may not appreciate you the rest of us do. Take some comfort in that. X
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I am also in your position. I’m also a HoD and on a management course this year. Some of my friends and family think I’m insane. But I do genuinely love my job. You have to also remember that you’re a role model to your children. That’s what keeps me going when I’m feeling low. Also I often talk about my day to them so they have an understanding of what I do.
Remember to speak to mum friends in other professions too, lawyers or nurses with shifts etc and they too are racked with guilt and working once the kids are in bed.
I’m just trying to say don’t give up, you clearly love teaching and you’re making a difference in the classroom. You’ll just become bloody efficient at everything!
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Wow what a post! I am an English HoD and single mum of two small ones. I have lost count of the amount of times I’ve said “go to bed, mummy is marking” or the like. My children spend most of our school holidays in my classroom, and they have even had to come with me on a revision residential weekend.
I find it increasingly difficult to balance my two hats, and I have no idea what I will do to make it better.
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Wow! Such a powerful article. I feel exactly the same and as a perfectionist strive to be perfect in both roles, and always failing! It is comforting to hear that I am not alone.
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This is me, my children are the same age, I teach secondary, I medicate through the anxiety and pressure. I’ve taught forever and my husband teaches, ergo, I feel so stuck. I don’t know who I’d be if I left. The only thing left is to take a deep breath, pull a sick day when needed and soldier on. At least we’re not alone. X
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This broke my heart. I’ve never taken teachers for granted, but to read of the struggle that you face in such raw terms was very moving, and certainly refreshed my appreciation. I am so sorry for the tough times that you and your family have faced, and hope that you find some balance soon, whatever that looks like for you. Thank you for speaking up and sharing your experience. Love to you and your two beautiful children.
(Apologies if this posts twice, our internet connection is atrocious!)
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This is a fantastic post. I too am an English Teacher and a mother of a four year old and a one year old. I am currently in the middle of creating a presentation to be second in dept and I have 39 parent evening appointments tomorrow followed by my presentation and interview on Friday. I just can’t do it! Also, my one year old has NEVER slept through the night – not once. I also work full time as you can’t get anywhere in teaching unless you are full time. Thank you for this post. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one going through this, but clearly I am not.
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I totally agree with you. After eleven years of teaching and reaching the dizzy heights of Deputy Headship, I can’t see how our profession is sustainable for women with children. Whilst in labour I was sending work into school for an impending Ofsted inspection for fear of letting my team down. At the very moment that I should have been preparing to meet my daughter for the first time, work came first. It saddens and sickens me that central government don’t see that the teacher crisis is borne out of years and years of telling us we are rubbish, paying us less and wanting more and more and more. If I could earn the same money and do a different job, I would, tomorrow. I have been graded as an Outstanding Teacher on many inspections, and have a successful career. But every day I wish I did something else. I can never get to the bottom of the endless pile of work. “Mummy can’t read stories tonight baby, I’ve got the timetable to write”
The irony of constantly putting the needs of other people’s children before my own precious little girl is beyond ridiculous. But, society dictates that you can have it all. Providing you are prepared to be constantly criticised for everything you do. A parent emailed me today asking why I wasn’t putting on a school production this year. My first reaction was frustration as I simply do not have the time, I barely have the time to do all the jobs on my list and manage to get back for a swift bedtime, and then work into the small hours every evening and weekend. But to add an additional 200 hours on top so that her children can perform is just too much. I get it, kids want enrichment. It genuinely is good for them. There is no better window than a school show. But what gives? My sanity, less sleep, my teaching, leadership, my family, my marriage? Last week I took a school trip to the theatre. I left the house at 6:45am to get into work, I got back the following morning at 2:15am as there had been a road closure. I’ve not had a single thank you. To be clear, I did not take the children to the theatre for recognition, I did so to ensure they would be able to complete an important section of my course. But, whilst extending my day and supervising the fairly large group of children I missed my own. As I will tomorrow night at Governors. Some may say that I get paid to do these things, what they don’t see is that I average 70-90 hours of work a week. I certainly don’t get paid enough to justify that work load or the accountability if I don’t get things complete.
Education minister also the minister for women. She was posting this week that she aims to get more women to Headship. The thought of being a Head in modern society with the accountability frightens me witless. There is no way on this earth that I will even consider it. One wrong move and I’ll be out of a job, homeless and unable to feed my child. What woman wants to take that risk? Who would put themselves in that position?
Untenable? – yes
Solvable – yes
Trust us to teach
Trust us to transform learning
Be grateful for all we do
Expect less and celebrate more
Stop changing things and back us up to be the best that we can be and get the best from the kids that we work with
SORT out the recruitment crisis by paying us properly and stopping teacher bashing in the press
Maybe then, we’ll all stop telling graduates to consider another career. In my job, I look after NQTs. If I didn’t need them to make the school run, I’d tell them to run for the hills and go and find another career that won’t render them feeling useless and sap their soul.
I’m not sure who teaching is for anymore. Maybe for unsociable people who don’t have a relationship, friends or any kind of family. You certainly can’t have hobbies; no time for that. It may be better for us all to be replaced with robots, maybe then they’ll get what they want!!!
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It was good to read this, thank you for helping me process my own life choices. I left my job teaching in prison last year, just 3 months after returning from maternity leave. I think it actually broke my heart, I loved my career path so much and felt like it was what I was born to do. 10 months on, I can see that leaving before I made myself truly ill was absolutely the right thing to do in my situation. I felt terribly guilty for months but the years with my little one are passing quickly and there will hopefully be plenty of time to look after everyone else in years to come X
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Brilliantly explained. Please send to Nicky Morgan along with the information that many teaching mothers, such as myself, work 5 days for 3 days pay, as the only way to have weekends with your family is to be part time and do schoolwork on your days off. Colleagues who don’t have this choice for financial reasons, are all heading for breakdowns or the door.
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This seems to be a concern for teachers world-wide. I teach in the United States and have just turned in my letter of resignation for the next school year for this very reason. What concerns me the most is the number of teachers leaving because of the paperwork, stress level, and requirements. There have been multiple state in the US that actually had a shortage of teachers this school year. As a parent of young children, it also concerns me that parents are not standing up and demanding change…they are not advocating for the teachers. With teachers stressed, budgets cut, testing linked to pay, the increase in passing requirements on the students, paperwork increased, all the documenting so you can prove you are doing your job, and feeling torn between being a mom and being a teacher, this could easily and is very likely to affect their child’s education and future. It baffles me!
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Noone should ever feel like this consumed with guilt for trying to be the best of both worlds. The problem is how can we be any better than our best when they push us to the point of no return. Your children need you but your pupils do too. It is like a conundrum that cannot be fixed and it saddens me that the state of our society has altered so much. I don’t believe that jobs should be ranked in accordance to performance based targets, never have and never will. In large part it is because of I am a socialist and liberal and believe that we should advocate for shorter working hours and more support so that our children can be given the love and attention they deserve. I admire everything that you do and want to let you know that you have an admirer and friend in me. Reading this let me into a piece of your world previously unexplored and made me connect with you in a way that is parallel to my own existence. Stay strong we are all here for you x
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I retired from teaching almost 2 years ago and it was the best thing I have ever done. I have my weekends back. I can go to bed when I want instead of marking or writing plans out in detail or highlighting targets for each child or paying for lesson plans to save some time or going to meetings about changes to the curriculum or being told I’m inadequate if my class fail to meet some county target. I used to enjoy my job so much but in recent years it’s become repetetive, prescribed and more about data than children. I advised my son to go into anything but teaching as I know he would have been overwhelmed by guilt constantly whilst trying to keep up with all the nonsense.
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Thank you for sharing your experiences – I have read this as a cautionary tale as I am currently on mat leave with my first child. I’ve asked for 3 days from Sept and the thing I aim to keep in mind is that I know in later life I would regret time missed with my son but not regret not working more. I have built up to a point where I am an experienced primary teacher and qualified SENCo but I will be happy to use my skills elsewhere if – when – teaching starts to be contrary to who I want to be as a person and mum. Happily unlike others here I always saw teaching as one possible career rather than a definition of who I am, so moving on wouldn’t threaten my identity, but I can appreciate that feeling. I wish you all the very best and thanks again for sharing your experiences so that others can focus and not feel alone.
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I think this is very interesting. I’ve been teaching for 13 years and have a 3 and 1 year old. I will be leaving the profession (probably for good) as I start maternity leave in September to have my third child. I am lucky, my husband is an Assistant Head and will hopefully make headship, so financially we can afford it. I am deeply shocked that you felt you had to send cover while in hospital or send your child to nursery with a 40 degree temperature. My children come first and teaching does not account for that. My love of teaching has declined and I resigned from HOD, it is utterly impossible to keep up with all the changes, new pressures (bloody controlled assessment) and raise a family while keeping your mental health. I am counting down the months for end of this chapter of my life. I might return (I doubt it), but in the meantime I will be happy to be mum to my three children. They think that only daddy teaches ‘children to count’, and I will remind them that I was once an outstanding teacher too, I worked at Mossbourne for Sir Michael Wilshaw, everyone there is young childless and driven to be the best they can, but I moved onto tougher schools and my drive to be an outstanding mother became stronger. If I don’t leave now (while I’m still reasonably good at my job) I will leave in disgrace.
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You have written this as though it were my own thoughts and is imagine of every teacher out there. Except I did escape- into supply. I always thought supply and motherhood would be too much of a stress – never knowing if I’d get a call that morning or not. However, I completely forgot that teachers go on courses etc and that is all pre planned. So now, a week in advance I know exactly what I am doing the following week and I have built up a little collection of schools that I work with. It isn’t quite the same as having my own class but I’ve got to know the kids and have some sort of bond with them. The best bit is – I get to teach. No paperwork, no meetings, no politics. Just teaching. x
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My little boy is nine now, I went back to full time English teaching off maternity when he was eight months old. Everything you’ve described I’ve felt. The worst was an Ofsted inspection while he had chickenpox. I went to work. It does get easier as they get older. They get sick less often and need you less. That said, there are many nights still when he sits in my classroom waiting for me to finish working so we can go home (our schools are nearby so I can go and fetch him then come back). He’s learned the holidays are our time and so have I, and come what may I refuse to work more than a day or two in those. He does moan about my job, but he’s old enough to understand it gives us our house and our life now, which helps. While they are small my advice would be go part time if you possibly can, three days not four (not worth it, it’s then just a full time job in less hours for less pay). The time they are little flies by. We couldn’t afford for me to, and the hours I’ve had to work and my job in general are why we only had one child. I would have loved more but it didn’t seem fair. I think the attitude that we have it easy is possibly the hardest part of it all!
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Thank you for this article, I would like to offer another point of view. I don’t have children, am not married, and yet I feel swamped with work. I’ve been told that I have more time to complete tasks as I don’t have to worry about children or a partner, but I have to do my shopping, clean my house, tend my garden, walk the dog (who has also been told to go away, ‘mummy’ needs to get this work done).
I work in a tough school, been bullied in a previous school by management (ended up off with depression, and handing in resignation), and dealt with 4 changes in Principles in as many years. We get asked for a representative of our departments to attend meetings and then feedback (to lighten the load), but I’m the only member of my department. I’ve had to cancel my afterschool club at short notice due to ‘quick meetings’ and there is no one else who can take it. I’m currently off work with anxiety, and don’t expect my bosses to be at all sympathetic when I return as outwardly there is nothing wrong.
I totally agree with what has been said in the article and comments, and remember my shock when I confided to a friend at work that I was now on anti-depressants only to discover she was too, and then more and more people admitted they also were taking them. It was like a secret club.
We forget that there are others feeling as we do, have the same worries and fears, but can be frightened to admit it in case management see us as being ‘weak’.
Good luck to everyone who has left this profession, I applaud your courage, and to everyone staying, I just hope the Government recognises the impact of a teachers current working life on teachers and children before it’s too late.
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This is also why I left. I was a primary school teacher and my husband is too (now a teaching headteacher.) During his time working as an Assistant Headteacher there is no way I could have worked. Apart from caring for our children, he needed to be cared for too – arriving at school by 7.30am and arriving home at 6.50pm to help put the children to bed and then following that up with more school work. He’d also spend a day of the weekend working. There are great things about the job- creativity, the children, variety… but it is now tremendously hard work – mainly because you have to prove your accountably all the time and that requires a lot of paper work. Sometimes I think I could go back – need a pension, a bigger house and garden would be nice. But actually, the children have me and I’m not stressed. We walk to school and chat and that’s as much as I want from life at the moment. We are very fortunate to be able to make that choice however and unfortunate that teaching has become so all-consuming that it’s really an option for me to return yet.
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I’ve said elsewhere that teachers are their own worse enemy. I know it is the nature of teachers to do their best by the children they teach but while teachers are willing to put school before home life and work 60 hours+ a week the system will stay the same. Teachers shouldn’t strike just collectively work their contracted hours and no more. For good, not just for a short period. Things will fall apart at first but a new way of working will have to emerge.
As for dealing with sickness it is the same in any job. I had a phone call 2 days ago from nursery as I had sent my poorly child to nursery ill and she’d been sick. I was teaching a workshop so had to get oh to pick her up. Because she was sick she can’t go back for 48 hours so oh and I both had to take a day off to cover as we have no support from family. This is life and work just have to suck it up. We’ve both been reasonable and shared the time needed between us. What else can I do leave a 3 year old home alone? I suppose I could bring her in to work but I doubt anyone would have got any work done.
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Exactly why I left!! I now have my own home based business…and have restored my sanity 🙂 xxx
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Honestly I am in awe of teachers, and thank you thank you thank you for all that you do. You sound like a wonderful mother and teacher, you really do.
One thing that would have benefited the article would have been for you to have mentioned the school holidays that you receive which undoubtedly are a positive and, by including this in the article, would have made it a little more balanced.
Other than that, reading it was a very powerful experience. I am sorry you are going through this, but know that what you are doing, both being s mother and a teacher, are two incredibly important jobs.
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Apologies if this is a bit obvious or has already been mentioned but have you considered trying to find work as a cover supervisor or teaching assistant or similar, just for while your children are very small? Of course it would mean a dramatic pay cut which you may well not be able to afford with a family to support. All the best to you, i do hope you work out something a bit more sustainable for yourself and your family very soon indeed.
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