I recently returned to my profession of twelve years after my second period of maternity leave: English teaching. I am the mother of two tiny people, a girl, aged one and a boy, aged three.
Parenthood is a job that requires us to give up almost all of our time and energy for the well-being of another. Teachers too are, by nature, givers. The desire to help others, to give something of ourselves up for their inspiration, their betterment, is at the heart of belonging in the classroom. So we find ourselves giving. And giving. And giving.
When I was a young and idealistic teacher, the pressures of the job were a price I was willing to pay for the unrivalled satisfaction of knowing I was truly helping a young person. I would mark into the night, spend hours perfecting a lesson or making resources, run clubs and go on trips and… There was no line between my job and who I was. I was a teacher.
Now I am a mother. And I keep giving.
I have held my pale and whimpering baby as she struggles for breath in a stark hospital room, while emailing cover, one-handed from my phone. I have sent my wailing toddler to nursery with a fever of 40 because the anxiety and workload of having a day off is too much to bear, and there is nobody else to watch him. I have stayed late to finish some marking or talk to a student even though the hours until bedtime are ticking away, and those precious moments with my children are painfully fleeting. I have marked with my daughter crying at my feet because there are deadlines that have to be met. I have cried too, stroking her hair with my free hand, desperately seeking to comfort her distress.
I have felt the hot spike of shame and regret when my absence – my failing – pushes a stressed colleague closer to breaking point and I have despaired that there is nothing – nothing- I can do about it. I have taught a five period day followed by a parents’ evening on two hours sleep and felt sick with exhaustion and overwhelmed with heartache that I didn’t get to kiss my children goodnight.
I have felt like a bad mother. I have felt like a bad teacher. I have felt like there is no way to give enough time, enough effort, enough of me, to both. I feel like I am not enough. Because both roles are all-consuming. At times, it has nearly broken me.
In the short years since I started my family, not long after the coalition government came to power, I have seen the monitoring and paperwork that my colleagues and I have to endure increase in volume and perceived importance. I have seen us all struggle to keep up with three specification changes and an end to re-sits. I have seen the number of times I am observed increase from three times a year to nearer three times a term. I have seen testing increase and the content we are asked to teach become more prescriptive.
In the wake of all this extra pressure, I have seen my pay, which barely covers my childcare costs, become performance-based, meaning that prioritising my students over my own children becomes even more difficult to avoid, even when there is only so much I can do to ensure the exam success of my pupils.
I have seen my planning time taken away, my contact time increase, my pension reduced, and my school’s budget cut. But I keep giving. We all keep giving, in the face of our time, our resources, our rights, even our sanity being taken away. I have been treated for stress and anxiety and witnessed colleagues suffer similarly.
More than this, as a parent, my profession is taking something far, far more precious from me: the brief years when my children really need me.
A friend recently spoke to me about the possibly of changing careers, now that she is a mother. Teaching really appeals she says – because of the long holidays with the children and school hours. “Teaching is so family friendly.”
I stare at her, open-mouthed, for a moment or two.
Teaching is not family friendly at all, I say, sadly. Maybe it was, once. For me, teaching is constantly in conflict with my family life. There’s just no way to be a mother and a teacher and feel successful at both. Every single day, I feel like I am letting someone down. I am stretched thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. I honestly don’t know how long I can sustain it. I still love my subject, enjoy sharing that love with students and watching them grow and achieve – but ultimately I love my own children more and letting them down makes me hate myself.
So why am I still in the profession, I hear you ask? It’s simple; I am a teacher. I don’t know how to be anything else. I am also a mother and I can’t be anything else. Unless we can make teaching family friendly again, I am doomed to be in conflict with myself indefinitely, or leave the profession. Whether I can manage the huge weight of my conflicting responsibilities and pressures remains to be seen.
Today, I left my little girl wracked with coughs and sobs, tears streaming down her face, and I went to work – though every fibre of my being begged me to stay, to comfort, to be a mother.
Today, I hate myself.
Today, I feel like my teaching days are numbered.
Since writing this post, I have left teaching. To read about how I came to this decision, and the outcome, take a look at these posts:
‘Teaching: a break-up letter.’
I have also discovered that I am autistic, and was diagnosed in April 2019:
An Adult Autism Diagnosis at 37
***
Someone's Mum 
How many times have I uttered almost those same words .
I have been retired for some years now – and oh how I fear for The Profession ;- teachers no longer have the time to teach – there are too many boxes to be ticked !
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I think this is really something all professional Mums struggle with, gone are the days of simply clocking in and clocking out at the end of the day, unfortunately more and more is expected of us professionally outside of traditional office hours. It’s a reall struggle to manage a carrier we want to succeed in and a family.
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This is me. I’m returning to work in a week after my second maternity and this sums up exactly how I feel. I just hope the love of being in the classroom and teaching the children will keep me going for a few more years and then I can think about what to do next if things don’t change.
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I don’t know how anyone with children can do the job. I have grandchildren and I have little time and energy for them and I need to hire a cleaner even for a three up three down. It could be my age (56) but I’m not sure. Would I do it until 66? No! I go from term to term and year to year, wishing my life away until the next holiday. I refuse quietly to do excessive marking and just put extra comments on books being collected. Play the game to survive. Even then you have to put a lot of extra hours in. Family should come first because life is short!
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The comments have somewhat run away with me. There have been so many overnight and today that I don’t have time to reply to all individually now but I just wanted to say I am reading them all and finding your support overwhelming. xx
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You summarise, so well, exactly why I left. The workload and stress is incredible. I now work as a cover supervisor and am very happy working 8.45-3.15 and walking out at the end of everyday knowing that my job stops there. I have gained back 24 hours per week (that’s 2 whole days!!!) I actually don’t know how I did it. Teachers have superpowers. You only know how hard a job it is if you have been one.
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This honest and open post should be sent to Nicky Morgan given that her latest initiative is to encourage mothers who are teachers back into the classroom. Perhaps it will help her understand the constant dilemmas faced and why so many are forced to leave for their own, and their family’s well-being.
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Totally empathise with this. I spent 16 years teaching secondary maths. There was no way I could continue my career and also have a family (3 year old and baby) so I gave it all up. Husband is also a teacher and the hours he puts in are bad enough so 2 of us doing it was impossible.
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I am leaving after 29 years in July, I loved my job, now anti-depressants are the only thing that allow me to go in each day. I was a great teacher but I freak out when being observed, I feel lie I am going to the gallows. 79 teaching days and counting!!
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Brings it all back reading this and makes me so sad. I started teaching 6 years ago and gave it my all. It finally became too much when I became a mum. I suffered like you for a year and a half and I finally handed my notice in. I am now a childminder 4 days per week and it was the best decision I’ve made for a while. I spend lots of time with my daughter and my husband. I’m not stressed. I sleep. I’m not working until midnight every night. I wish you luck in whatever you do and completely respect any teacher who is also a mum xxx
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I’m a teacher who, after 11 years, thinks I’ve exhausted my time in this profession. I have 2 children (6&3) and after I returned to work after my first I still managed to have a reasonable work life balance ( I also worked part time which helped). Fast forward to me returning after my second maternity leave, and I felt like I’d gone back to a completely different job. The ridiculous amount of marking, feedback, paperwork etc is just crazy. I’m planning an exit strategy. I really don’t know how anyone manages full time anymore, I literally couldn’t do it.
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An interesting post, as a working mother of three who was not a teacher I still found huge areas of crossover with this lady’s experience. Sadly any job that a mother does puts pressure on the family- I have sat in my car crying that I am paying childcare for someone else to enjoy my children’s infancy. Sat in meetings exhausted by a night spent with a sick child & conscious that I had no choice but to be there or face problems when targets were not achieved. Left home at 5.50am, arrived back at 7.45 too tired to be patient or as kind as I would like and knowing that I am desperate for them to settle as I still have a report to write. I have felt inadequate as a mother, a wife and a member of staff – too thinly spread in all areas of life to make a difference in any of them. As time has passed I can see that this is not how others saw me and that my children still love me & did not feel neglected. You have to make the right decisions for your family but it is not a problem confined to the teaching profession or indeed just to women – many men also feel that they spent their children’s infancy in meetings.
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God yes! (it does get slightly easier as the kids get older though!)
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Thank you for writing such an honest and open article. I feel like it could have been written by me two years ago. I can relate to each and every point which you made……..so after 13 years of teaching, I made the decision to leave……for good……so I could spend more time with my two small children, who were 2 and 1 at the time.
Leaving was the best thing I did. Before I left, I felt like I wasn’t being a very good mother or teacher as I was being pulled and stretched in so many directions. I was always playing ‘catch-up’ just to keep my head above water. I would ‘will’ my children to fall asleep at night, just so I could get on with my planning or assessments. Everything felt so ‘wrong’! In addition to this, two-thirds of my salary was being spent on nursery bills!!
Making the decision to walk away was hard; financially and emotionally. It was the only career (and school) which I had known. What if I was making a massive mistake????
Two years on, I am a much happier, healthier and less stressed person. I can devote so much more time to my children which I am grateful for. Being a Mum is busy enough……
I now work in a tutor centre, working with primary aged children and do this for 9 hours a week. In monetary amounts, this equates to 2 x days of supply work, so the money is good. My children are now 4 and 3 and I can walk them to school/nursery and collect them on most days too! I am happy that I am still using my teaching skills but am so pleased that I have followed another avenue, minus the politics and huge paperwork demands.
On a slightly different note, it makes me feel sad that many excellent teachers are becoming so disillusioned and wanting to leave the profession, sometimes in the early stages of their career. Since my son started school in September, I see ‘teaching’ in a different light. I appreciate absolutely everything my son’s does……so what if his homework hasn’t been marked, or his reading book hasn’t been changed this week? I know it will be eventually……I just know (and totally sympathise with) how busy and snowed under she is and what a totally remarkable job she is doing, all with a smile on her face. Teaching can be a thankless job – sometimes just a small amount of appreciation can raise the morale of overworked and stressed-out teachers…….however, sadly, there will be more and more teacher leaving in the coming years unless things dramatically change to the demanding workload and unsustainable expectations.
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It’s such a shame that teaching is losing a lot of good teachers, it seems it’s imploding! I too couldn’t do it and it was probably the hardest decision I’ve made but once I’d made it it easy such a relief. I am now a better mum (not perfect), have time and energy for them, accompany them on school trips, watch all their school stuff, cook most nights. The sad thing is I don’t miss teaching, don’t miss the stress and workload and constantly feeling I’m not good enough and could do more, so much more – for other people kids while mine missed me! No more! I foynd another way and now work from home hours ti suit me and no-one on my back! I’d have you and any teacher any day to join my business, with a fraction of the drive and work ethic I know you’d have you’d be an asset! Feel free to get in touch.(chezza01@gmail.com)
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I shared this on my Facebook page because I think people who are not in a school, or teaching profession really don’t have a clue of how much the system is about pushing papers and less about the student sees days. That’s detriment to the students as well as The teachers who want to make a difference in people’s lives. People in general don’t seem to get much a teacher does behind-the-scenes, how hard they work in the holidays for lesson planning, as well as balancing a life of their own with their family . Sorry today was not a good day for you. Sending lots of hugs Xxx
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I could have written this eighteen months ago. My girls were three and one too and I was head of department at one of the top academies in the country. I was on the verge of a breakdown for two years but I kept going because there was no one to take over and financially I had to work. I’ve never been unhappier and never felt so useless.
It took me getting cancer and my school telling me to leave or be sacked when I told them (yeah, illegal I know) I walked away without a second glance. It broke my heart to leave my students and the subject I love but I really had to. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Teaching is about giving, you’re right but, to use a well known quote “you can’t pour from an empty pot.” If you don’t look after yourself and your family, you won’t be able to be an effective teacher and any school that doesn’t understand that cannot be taking care of their staff very well. I hope the situation resolves for you. I’m currently trying to find another teaching position but I won’t rush it, my youngest is only two and a half. With all the childcare fees, we’re not that worse off with me being at home! Good luck and I hope it gets easier for you x
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I am not a teacher, I am however a full time working mother, I completely empathise.
The question, I feel, is not if teachers are over worked, but rather are women overworked?
I will admit to not reading all the posts so some may be from working fathers.? I wonder what that particular percentage looks like.
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I feel like you have just written everything that is in my mind. I also have a 1 and 4 year old. It’s so hard. The bit that really stuck in the throat was the parents evening after 2hours sleep and then you don’t get back to kiss them good night. My husband works nights, so he is about for some days but the constant evenings are always a call to family to have the children. Not just parents evenings but open evenings, ks3/5, concerts, shows, etc etc. I don’t think there is an answer and it isn’t going to get better. The pay, the hours, the demands. Thanks for sharing though. I no longer feel alone. I also agree it is a struggle many parents have in many different jobs.
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I identify with every word of this. I’m a drama teacher. I went back to work four days which then was cut to three, it was that or redundancy. I struggle to do my job well on three days. I have to work on my days off. Sometimes I do, any spare child free moment, other weeks I don’t. When I don’t, the guilt lays in my brain, haunting me. I just need some extra time in school to mark and organise myself. #bloggersclubuk
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This is so sad, but unfortunately not unique or surprising. I have been teaching full time for over 20 years and my children are now grown up. I have seen the teaching profession change beyond recognition. My advice to all you younger teachers with dependent children at home is to stop. You won’t get these precious years back. I have continued to love teaching, but it has very nearly broken me. I am now in the fortunate position of being able to take early retirement at the end of this academic year. I lost my lovely mum almost two years ago now and it is this life-changing tragedy that finally made me re-evaluate my career; this vocation of teaching. I have memories of marking books in the passenger seat, whilst my husband drove us down the motorway to visit her at the hospice. I sat by her bedside planning when she slept. Life is just too short. For one year, when between jobs, I worked as a supply teacher. I was offered more work than I needed. I urge you to consider this. It enables you to fulfil your desire to teach without taking over your life. Love your babies and love yourself. You only get one shot at this thing called life.
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Wow! You have summed up so eloquently every single thing I am feeling at this moment in time. I am constantly battling with the feeling of being a failing Mum…failing teacher…failing wife and failing housewife!!! You’ve mentioned every feeling that brings you down and makes you more and more
Aware of what you can’t do. You literally cannot spread yourself that thin!!
I am completely exhausted and run on zero energy everyday.
I am seriously considering leaving the profession as I just don’t feel it’s worth breaking me
Down completely anymore.
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Wow- you have experience far more clearly and eloquently, why I have resigned and will be leaving my teaching job at Easter. I love teaching but I love my daughter and value my family life more. As you say, my job constantly conflicts with my family life and the stress and misery needs to stop. I don’t know how we will manage financially. I am going to have to do supply work initially and money will be v tight with no pay in the holidays but for me, this is absolutely the right choice. I lost my dad suddenly at 17 and whilst this was and is the worst thing to happen to me, it has also given me a valuable perspective on how short life is. I love teaching and am so, so sad to be leaving my job but for me, it is definitely the right call. Sadly I have to agree that at thecmoment teaching is a very “family unfriendly” job. Best wishes to you and I hope you can find a solution that means you get your precious early years with your children back. X
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Try being a Barrister, and having a young family!!! God be with the day that the young Husband never wanted his Wife to work!!! Looking back i am sure we all done with out a lot of the Material things all young people need to day!!! But we had no foreign holidays, but lots of family time around the kitchen table!!! Money could not buy it. Just a Humble opinion.
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Having moved out of teaching I chose to return to the classroom on rearrival to UK after 10 yrs overseas and a broken marriage. I left again when my youngest told me one night ” just because you’ve been shouted at by yr 11 doesn’t mean you can come home and shout at us”. I was stressed: By curriculum, by assessment, by prep, by marking. And I was only a supply teacher. I missed any sense of the creativity I had enjoyed in my early career. I felt thwarted. Horrible. And I love teaching.
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I totally feel your plight. Although I am not a “teacher” I had all those same feelings as a young mom with a career. In my day we only had 6 months maternity leave and that is just not enough. I had to tote my 6 month old to a sitter early in the morning, work all day, pick her up, rush home and make supper and put her to bed. That was some life! I gave up my job after three months of that life and never looked back. It was a sacrifice financially and we did without but I had my babies and held them close. I feel such agony when I see young families today who do not have that option. I just did not have it in me to do both. I do not have any regrets and feel blessed. It was not easy either, it was a lonely life for an adult too!
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This is a really true picture of the teaching profession. I have felt almost every one of the feelings of the author. I too have felt my days in teaching are numbered. On many occasions I have felt like a better teacher than mother and I have constantly sacrificed time with my own children for my students. It is an impossible balance and one that recently brought me to the same breakdown the author fears too is nearing.
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I’m an English teacher too and left to work abroad 10 years ago to find a better work life balance and enough money to save.
Unfortunately the expectations followed a few years later and 3 years ago after health problems, after a heart attack at 44, caused by stress, I made the decision to leave the profession.
Sometimes it feels like I’ve failed but I now get to spend time with my family and actually see my husband and finally have a life.
After all this isn’t a dress rehearsal and I know no one would thank me for giving up my life for their children.
The time we have is the most precious asset we own and there’s no way to get back years missed.
Yes the profession is a calling, it’s a love and something we do because we care deeply about the next generation, about those in our care. But who cares for the teachers? Who cares for you and your children?
Sorry I’ve gone on a bit, sometimes I look at what is happening and wonder why there are any teachers left?
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Sending you & every other mummy teacher lots of love and hugs, I left teaching primary for Pre-school once I had children as there was slightly less paperwork (lot less money) but it was a better balance… sadly not anymore. I don’t know the answer, wish I did and then I wouldn’t also be considering leaving education which I love, all together. xxx
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I really hope that you will find a solution that suits you as a mum and a teacher as well. I think mums can be too tough on themselves. We always feel guilty not being perfect – not making rainbow pasta and that our kids don’t eat a bowl of broccoli for dinner every night. Some people are not being cut out to be a stay-at-home-mum… Some people are better mums if they get to enjoy a career. I’m not saying that you might be one of them, I just would like to tell you to give yourself some grace. It sounds like job share would be perfect for you. I truly hope that the future may hold a position like that for you.
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What a fantastic piece of writing about something so tough…. I am a teaching Mum, in primary school. I have been fortunate enough to be able to go ‘part time’ (ranging between 36 and 40 hours per week). My husband also teaches (full time -approximately 60 hours per week). I have wrangled with my ‘choices’ too and I completely feel your pain. I completely relate to the feeling of not being good enough at either role – it really depressed me. My boys are now 10 and, nearly, 14. They’re pretty well adjusted and I think kids are more resilient than us…. What we do is just normal to them now. Your children will grow up just fine, because you’re clearly very conscientious and a good, strong role model. How you will survive, is the question. Having said that, if I could give up teaching, I probably would, even now…. My boys still need me and I would like my house to look like something other than a pig sty! The struggle continues. Wishing you and your family luck and a resolution to your problem. Thank you for sharing your story. X
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I know i shouldn’t love what your going through but I do, cause I’m having this struggle also, only I can’t find the right words like you have.
I have two babies 1 and 3, I teach Pe and i am head of dance. The time spent at fixtures mean I never kiss my babies before bed and the head of dance title with no extra pay mean I spend my weeks surrounded by paperwork and analysing video footage.
There isn’t a solution or a right thing to say to make it better, however I do hope my children see the values of having a job and working hard……we’ll see… Stay strong xx
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My heart goes out to you as it does to other working parents. The struggle to balance work and home, especially when work is becoming more and more demanding, is one that many face and feel that they fail at. I know I did. If I stayed and did overtime to get my job done properly I would then sit sobbing over my sleeping boys, or if I left on time to get home for bath and bedtime I would feel guilt about work and end up working once they’d gone to bed. I just didn’t want to do it anymore. I am much happier now I am working for myself and get to do school drop off and pick up, assemblies, parent reading etc. I hope you find your solution X
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I have every sympathy with you as I have experienced first hand the type of life you have, having been a English teacher of 40 years ,also bringing up a young family. What you describe is not new, it has been going on for at least 40 years and I also suspect even longer than that! Like you, I felt that I was and still am a teacher and could not contemplate an alternative path. Fortunately, I was able to retire at 60 before the new rules took place. Had this not been possible, I now know that I would have retired on health grounds. In short, the chronic stress created by the demands of the job have left me with chronic health conditions which make daily life difficult .Having missed the classroom,I have gone back to supply work, but found that one day’s contract tends to merge into 3 weeks and then a term! Due to the pressures put on my colleagues, as a supply teacher I am expected to do more and more. I resent this to an extent, although from other teachers perspective it is understandable. Supply rates have not changed from the last 30 years and I am fully taxed on everything I earn. If I return to full time employment and exceed what I had previously earned as a teacher, then my pension is reduced. In effect they would expect me to work for nothing! On reflection, had I had my time over again, I would of put the health and welfare of my family first! As so many are leaving the profession, schools are finding it more difficult to recruit and retain staff ( rightly so). Maybe they will be forced to not only pay the going rate for staff; but also be realistic about the pressures and stresses of the job and take seriously their “duty of care”( This will only happen when they realise that there is no one left to replace those they have burnt out). I wish you well in your chosen path but under the proviso of “you only have one life which contains many paths” Choose the one that makes you happy and value the family that you have created. Failure to do so will not only impinge upon your life but the life of your children and future generations.
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Thank you. Everything your feeling is how I feel. I felt alone and inadequate.
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So, if money was not an issue, would it not make sense to take a career break in order to prioritise your relationship with your children and then return to teaching? Surely this would be consistent with a ‘teacher heart’ and not mean that you are betraying your calling ? Nobody seems to be making the connection that the pressure/need for both parents to ‘work’ whilst also bringing up a young family is a culture that we should be taking a stand against. There’s certainly a growing number of teachers who are doing this in order to home-school their own children for a few years (or even more). We should then also develop a culture of welcoming returning teachers back into the profession in a way that values their additional experience rather than making them feel that they need to be retrained and penalised for taking this break.
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This has put into words the internal struggle I suffer most days. The times I also feel the most guilt is Christmas time, when my primary school aged boys have Craft Fairs, Nativity Plays, Christmas School Parties, none of which I can take time off to attend. No more are we allowed to take a morning to attend anything regarding our children. The guilt, the anger, the sadness at not being able to attend something that for my boys is so important to them is heartbreaking.
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Amazed at the ignorance of this article, and those who have shared it on Facebook – which is where I came across it. It is written as though nobody else experiences these problems. I am a company director and so is my partner, together, in the private sector – I’m 30 years old and couldn’t have a child yet if I wanted to because of how non-family-friendly my job is at the moment – I have to work my backside of to get to a position where my company could cope without me for any amount of time: what a luxury to have a pension at all, cover available, secured wage, sick pay/maternity pay/cover, any time off at all, and all the other perks, which I think teachers and other public sector workers forget are actually perks! The only time I can have time off is the couple of weeks we close for xmas, but even then I’m on my laptop keeping tabs. This is constant stress 24/7/365. We do it to earn a lifestyle that we want and build our own security. Every penny earnt is on a constant performance based knife-edge – not just being ‘observed’ in a lesson on nine occasions in a year. This woman doesn’t know she is born! I have several friends who are teachers and my goodness they have it good compared to me that’s for sure. They have it far better than countless other jobs I couldn’t even tell you! Especially concerning family-friendliness. I’m not saying teaching is all smooth sailing and stress-free by any means, but she isn’t half naive about the rest of the job market at any kind of half-decent level.
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Guessing diplomacy isn’t a prerequisite for your job?
So, it’s ” your” company, is it? Hence you not having the benefits that come with being employed. So you are comparing two very different situations.
I am not a teacher. I am a SAHM. I was a very well paid City worker in financial services. And yes, I was worked damn hard. But I didn’t have thirty youngsters relying on me for something as life-critical as their education. And I think therein lies the core of the issue. The jobs that you have and I had do not involve children. As you don’t have any children, quite simply you will not be able to comprehend the utterly all encompassing needs of children and how they suck the life from you (in a good way, if it’s your own child I hasten to add). No doubt you will take umbrage at this comment, as may other childless folk, but the fact remains, if you don’t have a child, you cannot grasp how much they absorb of you.
You are building a company. Teachers are building people.
There is a huge difference, and it is fairly shocking that you can’t see the difference in that.
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Great post which made me feel a bit weepy. Good teachers are worth their weight in gold and it is such a shame that you are getting treated this way. Unfortunately this isn’t the first post that I have read about teaching and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I do agree with Cat above this can also be said for a lot of professions. Good luck lovely x
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I feel for teachers at the moment, you have a really hard job and leaders should be doing everything they can to make it easier not harder. Having said that the idea that any full time professional job can be family friendly, if both parents work full time just isn’t true.
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I agree
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Thanks for the post. I have been through this struggle. I have a 1 year old and 3 year old at home. For the last year, since my second was born, I have PUT FAMILY FIRST. I work 50 hours. When that time is up I go home and put my books down. You’re right, I have been observed more because I am not working hard enough. I have been on performance review and told ‘it will be hard for you to get a pay rise after this’. BUT I AM NOT CHANGING IT. I work full time, I leave school at 4:00 and play with my children three days a week. I work Mon, Tues and Wed evening from 7-10 (without fail). I have two late meeting days (as most of us do). I get evil eyes, I get told how I let the team down because of called in sick when my 3 year old was projectile vomiting. BUT I SMILE, IGNORE and keep going because at the end of the day I have a wonderful family, happy LOVED children and as always STILL give 100% to those children at school (within my 50 hour limit). I can honestly say I have found the balance for what is right now ME. I know I am letting people down. I know at times I make other peoples lives at work harder but I can not give more. I can no longer give this profession my sanity. I just wish more did the same (maybe I would feel less guilty).
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Can’t believe it’s the same all over the world! I feel like an orange- all my Me-juice is sucked and squeezed from me…… there is nothing left for the people that really matters….
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Hi, I believe we have met before on my husband’s blog!
I just would like to express a few disagreements with the points made in your blog.
Mainly, this:
“More than this, as a parent, my profession is taking something far, far more precious from me: the brief years when my children really need me.”
No profession does this: we do. You made a choice to return to work, to decide to spend less time with your children. ANY career you choose to return to means taking time away from your children that you may otherwise spend with them.
For some people that’s an essential choice that means securing their children’s safety and security with an income that is necessary. For others, it isn’t.
We make choices way before we have children that determine our ability to have a healthy work-life balance.
Couples should be thinking about whether they purchase or rent a property that requires two salaries. And we should be thinking what sacrifices we can make in order to achieve more of a balance.
My husband is a very happy teacher largely down to the fact that one of us doesn’t work, and that we have made huge sacrifices over the years to ensure that is the case.
The fact that you began your career with little or no distinction between work and home life is telling I think because it sets a precedent for you and your family. It’s essential to draw a line between work and ‘family’, or ‘life’ or whatever you want to call it, whether you have children or not.
I think articles like this are saturated with negativity and come off as very unprofessional. Teachers are presenting themselves to the world through viral blogposts such as this as whingey and martyr-like. Through the last few years in this country many hundreds of companies have slashed the pay of private sector workers while heaping extra work on them, because of the recession. But simply because they have a more diverse set of job titles and less solidarity they are far less vocal about their lot.
It sounds like you are not so disillusioned about teaching but about being a working mum. If it’s possible for you, even if you have to make some extra sacrifices, why not consider staying at home with your children for a few years? I have been through enough sleepless nights myself to know that I couldn’t have coped with a career on top of everything else, and neither I, my husband or my children would have wanted me to.
Lastly I would just like to mention THE SCHOOL HOLIDAYS! I worked for a private company before having my children and 28 days per year is a huge difference from the 13 weeks teachers get. Yes my husband works a lot in the term but it’s more than worth it for the time we get as a family in the holidays. I come back to school with the kids in September and nearly every parent looks totally frazzled; I meanwhile have enjoyed 6 weeks of relaxed, easier-than-usual time with my husband and children. THAT is family-friendly!
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It doesn’t matter what profession you are in, the same applies. Deadlines / performance based metrics / paperwork. That’s the way the world is now. It sucks.
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Hi! I was in this position. I’d been a Senior Teacher in a village school with Deputy Head responsibilities before we met, married & had our children (now 8 & 5).
I loved teaching, was passionate about the pastoral side as well as the imparting of knowledge side & went over & above the call of duty as a young, single teacher. Then, after our first child was born, I returned to only two mornings per week, covering PPA time, which continued for six years.
Two years ago, I stopped. And our (then) six year old stopped school too. Now we are a very fulfilled Home Educating family: I am teaching full time, at home, our own children and it is the most rewarding teaching I’ve had the privilege to do. No feeling torn any more. No worry about missing our children’s milestones. Plus we know they are in great hands! …. Maybe this could be an option for you in a couple of years??
Whatever you decide, I wholeheartedly agree with someone earlier who said that you must do what is right for your family. The time flies by and we Mums don’t get these years back. Thinking of you.
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How many “family friendly professions” are there!?? As a society, we have devalued the importance of parenting by placing an expectation on women (and in some cases men) to balance work AND being a parent. In previous generations one of the two parents in a family (usually the mother) didn’t work and instead made being the best parent they could their number one role. I know we live in more modern times but parents trying to balance work with the demands of parenthood are always going to find it tough, regardless of profession.
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As ‘Emma’ earlier said… “such a painful and heartbreaking post to read.” Teachers should not have to feel like they are failing and that they should choose between teaching and their family. I thank God that in my day I was able to stay at home with my babies, one of whom became a teacher. But life changes and I wouldn’t want to swap with her…I really hope that something changes in teaching so that teachers who are also mothers do not have to make a decision to leave the profession that has inspired them to make a positive difference in children’s lives? . Teaching is no longer family friendly and parents as well as the rest of the country need to be made aware of that. I see teachers leaving the UK to work elsewhere where their skills are thankfully valued as well as those becoming Teaching Assistants (as I am) to stay in the profession and feel a duty to educating the next generation without the stifling pressure. Teachers don’t enter the profession for money, they do it because it’s their vocation and they care about what truly matters. They want to be free, without the ridiculous burden of showing irrelevant data, to inspire the next generation who will then, hopefully deliver more importance in a creative learning experience than in the present education system!
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This really reminded me of how I felt 15 yrs ago when my two children were babies and I returned to work after my second maternity leave. When things were no where near as bad as they are now. I too left my children when they were poorly and put marking and paperwork before spending time with them just so I could keep afloat in my job. But I stuck it out, my children have grown into beautiful young adults and despite my constant cry of “Just let me finish this” they still love and respect me.
Unfortunately my situation has recently changed and my 18 yr old daughter has been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer. I have had to take leave from school to care for her and although we are going through some tough times I am loving spending time with her. We are so close and my only regret is that I didn’t put the pen down and spend those precious hours, days and years with her when she was younger. I can never get back that time and wish that teaching had not been so time consuming. My advise to all young mothers out there who are faced with the dilemma of work or family is family every time as you may never know when your life could change.
As for my future, I know that whatever the outcome for my daughter I have been here for her when it really counts. Teaching is not for me anymore, I’m going to downsize my home and find something else to do which gives me more time for the important things in life, health and happiness.
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I am also a teacher and feel your struggle too. I do have to say that it is easier now that my kids are a bit bigger (all primary school age). I was lucky to have part-time work as an option while they were very little. Of course, I still feel guilty about missed sports days and special events now but they need me less and they are sick less now that they are older. Maybe you could work part time? Job share? Just for a few years until your youngest starts school and it all gets a little easier. It certainly saved us during that time.
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I was a chartered accountant and changed to teaching. I work MUCH HARDER as a teacher. It is physically and emotionally draining and your own family often takes a back seat. Not to mention the house admin. I find myself increasingly wondering how long I can last! Only other teachers can really understand how tough it is. It will get easier when your children are older and you can at least do homework with them in the afternoons… But of course you will be working late nights or early mornings to make up!
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