I recently returned to my profession of twelve years after my second period of maternity leave: English teaching. I am the mother of two tiny people, a girl, aged one and a boy, aged three.
Parenthood is a job that requires us to give up almost all of our time and energy for the well-being of another. Teachers too are, by nature, givers. The desire to help others, to give something of ourselves up for their inspiration, their betterment, is at the heart of belonging in the classroom. So we find ourselves giving. And giving. And giving.
When I was a young and idealistic teacher, the pressures of the job were a price I was willing to pay for the unrivalled satisfaction of knowing I was truly helping a young person. I would mark into the night, spend hours perfecting a lesson or making resources, run clubs and go on trips and… There was no line between my job and who I was. I was a teacher.
Now I am a mother. And I keep giving.
I have held my pale and whimpering baby as she struggles for breath in a stark hospital room, while emailing cover, one-handed from my phone. I have sent my wailing toddler to nursery with a fever of 40 because the anxiety and workload of having a day off is too much to bear, and there is nobody else to watch him. I have stayed late to finish some marking or talk to a student even though the hours until bedtime are ticking away, and those precious moments with my children are painfully fleeting. I have marked with my daughter crying at my feet because there are deadlines that have to be met. I have cried too, stroking her hair with my free hand, desperately seeking to comfort her distress.
I have felt the hot spike of shame and regret when my absence – my failing – pushes a stressed colleague closer to breaking point and I have despaired that there is nothing – nothing- I can do about it. I have taught a five period day followed by a parents’ evening on two hours sleep and felt sick with exhaustion and overwhelmed with heartache that I didn’t get to kiss my children goodnight.
I have felt like a bad mother. I have felt like a bad teacher. I have felt like there is no way to give enough time, enough effort, enough of me, to both. I feel like I am not enough. Because both roles are all-consuming. At times, it has nearly broken me.
In the short years since I started my family, not long after the coalition government came to power, I have seen the monitoring and paperwork that my colleagues and I have to endure increase in volume and perceived importance. I have seen us all struggle to keep up with three specification changes and an end to re-sits. I have seen the number of times I am observed increase from three times a year to nearer three times a term. I have seen testing increase and the content we are asked to teach become more prescriptive.
In the wake of all this extra pressure, I have seen my pay, which barely covers my childcare costs, become performance-based, meaning that prioritising my students over my own children becomes even more difficult to avoid, even when there is only so much I can do to ensure the exam success of my pupils.
I have seen my planning time taken away, my contact time increase, my pension reduced, and my school’s budget cut. But I keep giving. We all keep giving, in the face of our time, our resources, our rights, even our sanity being taken away. I have been treated for stress and anxiety and witnessed colleagues suffer similarly.
More than this, as a parent, my profession is taking something far, far more precious from me: the brief years when my children really need me.
A friend recently spoke to me about the possibly of changing careers, now that she is a mother. Teaching really appeals she says – because of the long holidays with the children and school hours. “Teaching is so family friendly.”
I stare at her, open-mouthed, for a moment or two.
Teaching is not family friendly at all, I say, sadly. Maybe it was, once. For me, teaching is constantly in conflict with my family life. There’s just no way to be a mother and a teacher and feel successful at both. Every single day, I feel like I am letting someone down. I am stretched thin, like butter scraped over too much bread. I honestly don’t know how long I can sustain it. I still love my subject, enjoy sharing that love with students and watching them grow and achieve – but ultimately I love my own children more and letting them down makes me hate myself.
So why am I still in the profession, I hear you ask? It’s simple; I am a teacher. I don’t know how to be anything else. I am also a mother and I can’t be anything else. Unless we can make teaching family friendly again, I am doomed to be in conflict with myself indefinitely, or leave the profession. Whether I can manage the huge weight of my conflicting responsibilities and pressures remains to be seen.
Today, I left my little girl wracked with coughs and sobs, tears streaming down her face, and I went to work – though every fibre of my being begged me to stay, to comfort, to be a mother.
Today, I hate myself.
Today, I feel like my teaching days are numbered.
Since writing this post, I have left teaching. To read about how I came to this decision, and the outcome, take a look at these posts:
‘Teaching: a break-up letter.’
I have also discovered that I am autistic, and was diagnosed in April 2019:
An Adult Autism Diagnosis at 37
***
Someone's Mum 
My mum was a full time teacher and she totally trashed our childhoods as soon as she went into the profession. It’s the biggest regret she has. I’ve learnt my lesson from her – I’m a full time mum, I feel no regrets and no guilt. And no, I ‘can’t afford’ (by normal standards) to be a full time mum, my husbands salary is basic – but I’ve got the time to meal plan and shop around and learn skills myself, so I make it work. The only thing we can’t do is send our kids to clubs yet – but I figure that’s going to screw them up less than never seeing them because I’m working constantly and totally stressed the whole time.
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What a powerful post, you wrote my own feelings so eloquently. I have children of 15, 7 and 6. I miss them. In the 13 years I have been teaching it has changed so much and the pressure feels overwhelming and yet we keep going until we break. I want more for myself than the endless guilt, I want more for my children than an absent mother and I want more for their teachers than unmanageable stress and workloads. I absolutely love my job, I work hard to be as good at it as I can be but I cannot see this being sustainable.
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We teachers need to decide among ourselves what we will and won’t do, given the time available and the payment received. If we don’t take control of our working conditions, someone else will, and we will be milked dry.
Secondly, the academics who drive the endless cycles of educational change need to spend at least half their time teaching in difficult schools. Let them lead by heroic example. When we lowly teachers witness their amazing successes, we will be much more inclined to take their advice.
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Thanks for this interesting post – many of us have been in this same battle of guilt, and we can all
relate to the pain you feel. However, I would caution against the assumption implicit that it is the government causing this huge tension between teaching and motherhood. Yes, there is clearly a lot wrong with the education system now and the (as you say often ineffective) target driven demands it makes. But there are many mothers (and fathers, come to that) who give their all to their jobs in just the way you describe – doctors, nurses, charity workers, lawyers, social workers, many of whom bring work home and work late into the night, do not have cover enough to allow them to stay home guilt free when their own kids are poorly, and who in addition have the struggle of how on earth to cover the childcare during the school holidays. So i think Lakhvir gives you good counsel. It is time to take control and make some choices – you are probably too exhausted and too rushed off your feet with the everyday to find the headspace to think clearly about it so ask some friends to take you away for a weekend and help you think through some of the possible ways of avoiding burnout – leave for a year, go part time, job-share, explore other options (I wish some of my friends had helped me to do this when I was in the place you describe so eloquently). Just recognise that if you do elect to retain both roles of worker and mother (which sometimes makes us better mums), many other professions will present you with these same daily conflicts, challenges and heartbreaks, while not forgetting the satisfaction, growth and stimulation too. Good luck.
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I taught in a primary school for 8 years, never saw my kids really grow up, got bullied out of my job had to leave due to ill health. I went back teaching in the FE sector and that is going the same way, I am now looking to get out of teaching for good. I feel sorry for anybody that goes into teaching now it has changed so much.
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Apologies if I speak out of turn – and there is no disrespect intended as all of us are different, and this diversity is what makes life interesting – but I can’t understand why anyone would choose to work full time with children so young.
I admire you – but there was no way I was going to let someone else experience my childs first step, first word, first tooth etc – I am far to jealous a person for that! – I wanted to make sure that it was me who was there for them every waking moment.
I don’t know your financial situation, but I would argue that no mother needs to choose to work the hours and type of job you talk about; we (my husband and I) chose to have less money; my husbands job covered our bills when our children were small, and that was it – no money left over – but we were willing to accept that because our children needed me and I knew I couldn’t ever turn back time and get those years back.
It seems to me that the best thing you could do right now for yourself, and your children, is stop working. – take note of the comment left above by the lady who tells of the regrets her Mother now has after working as a teacher when they were small.
They will soon be at school themselves, and that might be the time to consider returning.
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Oft after 19 years and I don’t have children. I saw myself giving so much that Iwas not able to give enough to do the job they way it is designed to be done these days. There is too much prescription, accountability and not enough fun and joy in learning because everything has to be validated or tested in some way. I was short changing myself and my students so I got out. Now I do relief teaching at my old school and it is fabulous.
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I couldn’t have written this any better myself….. i feel exactly the same!! I have 2 todlers and somtimes struggle to juggle both!!
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An interesting read. I am new to the profession with a 7 year old and the balance is a actually quite good. Maybe you should consider part time until your own children are at school. They need your energy a lot more until then. Don’t burden yourself with too much….ages and stages. Give the wee ones your time till they re more independent. I hope you find some kind of happy balance whatever you decide.
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Thank you for the inspiration. We’re all feeling it. http://blog0rama.edublogs.org/2016/03/12/ticktock/
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Whilst I don’t doubt your struggles, I don’t think “teaching” is the problem here. Being a working parent full stop is the problem! Whatever job you are in the pressures of being a working mum is exactly the same as you describe. The fear of calling in sick, the guilt of being a bad mum. You do however have to count your blessings, no other job gives you that much holiday. I get 4 measly weeks a year in which to spend with my little girls. I’d give anything to get a few more. The thought of having lovely days out with them during the school holidays would keep me going all term! Waking them up early in school holidays to take them to someones house who doesn’t even love them is tough and heartbreaking X
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I think the fundamental difference between working full time and being a working teacher/mom full time is we’re responsible for other people’s children. There is an emotional cost that does not exist in other professions. This is only my view, having worked in both kinds of careers with a small baby of my own.
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I agree with you about the emotional cost, but it is not unique to teaching. It exists in many other professions such as nursing, medicine, psychology and the police to name but a few. There are very few easy jobs to have when you are a mum!
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I totally understand having been through exactly this as a working mother who teaches. I often feel guilty that I give so much to the children in my class and have nothing left to give to my own precious son and daughter. We all do our best but it is a sad reflection on modern life that we have to make such tough choices as mothers. I had no choice but to return to work after 4 months after my first and 6 WEEKS after my second baby. I have gone into work having had no sleep at all on numerous occasions (sometimes because of staying up with sick or sleepless children and sometimes because the workload only gets done in those additional hours meant for sleep). I have left with tears streaming down my face listening to my child cry for me as I go. I think we have to examine very carefully the roles we expect women to perform in modern society, particularly when our children are young.
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I am also an English teacher and while my kids are all grown up I can truly identify with what you are experiencing.
The only thing that kept me going through the years, was that while I was neglecting my own kids to teach other people’s kids, someone like you was doing it for my babies.
In the end it’s not the salary or our so-called four holidays, it’s the job satisfaction, that cannot be found in any other profession, that sustains us.
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I thoroughly thoroughly sympathise. I taught English for over 20 years – the last 3 were the worst, not least of all because I had also become a mum and the constant tearing myself in two made me ill. I left after 6 months off sick. It has taken 2 years to recover and I still suffer from general anxiety syndrome. While we need to pay the bills, we only get one chance to bring up our children. And sometimes you really need to put yourself and your needs first. Take care of you. Best wishes. Xx
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This blog post has struck such a chord with me. I am a teacher and a mummy and I feel I do neither particularly well. I hate the nausea and panic when I can’t get my 4 year old and 1 year old to bed before 7:30pm because I am looking down the barrel of 4 hours marking before I go to bed. I hate the feeling of teaching a lesson that I know how to have done better but I had to choose comforting my poorly baby over planning that whizzy number. On Friday I went to work…to teach…with NO voice, tonsillitis, a hacking cough and about 40 minutes sleep, because I would rather not take off for me in case I need I take time off for the babies. And taking time off for them is only after I have tried all the tricks to get their temps down long enough to get them through the nursery door and then “ooooops I was teaching all day and had to leave my phone off”. It is shit. Really shit. And part time is not the answer. I am part time, but I work every night, I will the youngest to sleep during the day so I can stick the oldest in front of the TV while I work. At the weekend, I chuck them out of the house with daddy so I can sneak in a few hours of work.
I hate it.
But then as school holidays approach “you’re off, can you have mine for a day or two while I go to work?” FFS.
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I remember a great piece of advice given to me when my children were young: ‘Don’t let other people’s children get the best of you.’
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Your blog voices all the feelings I have about being a teaching mum. I only work part time but it’s enough. I may only get paid for 3 days but I do some school work everyday at some point and I never get it all done. I too have sent my child to nursery or grandparents sick because I feel I have to go to work. I have panicked and wished my child to sleep so I can get my planning and marking done. I have put him in front of the TV instead of playing outside or sent him off for father son time at a weekend instead of family time so I can get work done! I’m not sure what the answer is, I just always feel like I’m a bad teacher and a bad mother, never being able to do either 100%. I suppose there is some comfort that we are not alone but something really needs to change and soon!
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Due to Values Dissonance , a moral that is family-unfriendly in one culture may be very family-friendly in another, especially morals about social mores or civil rights. This list is for morals that were family-unfriendly even for the culture that they were written in. A prime target for dropping anvils .
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I could have wrote this myself. Your struggles are so easy to understand, because I share the same ones. I am a Special Education teacher in the U.S. and I didn’t realize that the U.K. was experiencing the same corporate, government intrusion as we are experiencing. The harder push for standardized testing is killing the whole public school education system. The pressures are handed down from the federal government all the way down to superintendents, principals, and the teachers feel the hardest brunt of it all. It’s so depressing and teachers have never felt more unsupported in our profession. I was one of those people that felt that teaching was a great career to have if you have children, and since having 3 children, I no longer feel that way. I spend 7 hours a day working with the most wonderful, yet most needy children in my whole building. And, by the end of the day, I am spent. Done. But, I can’t be done because at 3pm, the real work begins and I feel like there is nothing left to give at that point. 😦
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I think this goes for any job and being a mother though really – but can see how things are getting worse in teaching and how people think it is family friendly.
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My husband and I both teach at secondary school level! He is full time and on average that means 70 hours a week. I have reduced my part time hours from 3 to 2 days but still work double my hours. We have 4 children 3 teens and one at junior school. I empathised with all you wrote plus that of others about missing assemblies and sports days. We both love teaching but not the current education system from either a teaching or parenting perspective.
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This is true – I’m struggling to return to the profession after time out – I just don’t see how it could work.
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Parenting must come first. I regret with all my heart that I carried on teaching when my kids needed me at home. My children are young adults and finally they are able to tell me how badly it effected them, having a Mother who was too stressed to cope. I My heart bleeds every single day now because I made the mistake of thinking it was best to keep the job. It was a huge mistake. If you have children, leave teaching now.
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Hi there, I have been working in a school for 3 years now – transferred in from the private sector. I work on data reporting and assessment and the pay is diabolical. That said I took this job for the experience, with an eye to moving on to something more progressive (with slightly better pay!) within 12 months.
I too feel for you, because a potential answer would be to hire some if those intelligent mums who want to work without compromising their family life on part – time or job share contracts to handle data assessment, especially with the incoming round of changes on the forthcoming year. I try to relieve the middle management teaching staff of some of this burdensome work and work closely with Heads of Year during reporting periods to flag up concerns early where we can. OK, I don’t have a family but after too many years working stupid hours I now value having a better work – life balance. I can also afford to do so because my husband earns ore and between us we can keep everything ticking over with the occasional luxury (buying food or clothes at full price… woo-hoo).
One thing I have learned is that it is simply not worth sacrificing the important things in life – for you, time with your young children -for a job that will never love you as they will.
As with other posters here consider going part-time and reclaim some of your life back. Money is money but your little lovelies are constantly changing. Don’t miss out. Big cyber hugs to you and good luck in your decision making.
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Its been a long time since a post has brought me to tears but this has managed it. Being a working mum myself I know the struggles that most working mums have to go through what you are going through is far in excess of the typical working mum. Please don’t think I am be-littling anyone. I work 50 hours a week and I am responsible for a multi million pound target and yet my deadlines are manageable and my child comes first. Theres something wrong here, the system should not be forcing you to choose between your students and your family. We need passionate, motivated and dedicated teachers to help our children reach their potential (just like you) but not at the detriment of their own children. I hate to say it I would be walking away. Nothing, nothing is worth loosing those hours, days, months and years with the people that matter most to you. I had a bit of an ephinany a couple of years ago when I lost my bridesmaid to bowel cancer – she was 35 and a teacher and couldn’t fit in a doctors appointment which probably would have saved her life because it was during term time. Your gravestone will say – mother, wife, daughter, sister, Auntie, friend…. it will not say teacher just like mine won’t say employee of xx corporate. Its such a difficult decision to make. Thank you for joining us at #BloggerClub UK this is my post of the week xx
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I feel for you so much. I didn’t return to teaching (secondary) after my second was born – a combination of so many things: including the unsociable hours (marking, planning etc), feeling I was failing on all counts, the paperwork and petty politics, the leaving my little one with someone else whilst I dealt with so much arrogance and unpleasant behaviour at school, and the fact that my pay would have barely covered the childcare costs. Even part time was hard as I was never really a part of the school community and always playing catch up, whilst never quite always being there for the significant moments in my child’s life. I am now a stay at home mum, dabbling in baby groups and just about managing the washing and cleaning (not very well), and how I will return to the profession that I love – and hate – whilst being there for my 3 children I just don’t know. Very good luck….
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Dear Someone’s Mom,
I appreciate your dedication as a teacher. It breaks my heart to read this. I want to encourage you to use your skills and education to figure out a way to make enough money to support your household doing something else (if necessary) while your children are young. They could care less about material things, they JUST want YOU there to comfort them. Your obligation is to YOUR precious babies. You cannot get this time back and no one can replace mom and take care of and love your children as you would. Don’t rob your children of their mom for money. Live smaller, lower expenses, cut off cable, use public transportation…whatever it takes for 5 years so you can be there for your children. It breaks your heart because walking out on your kids as you describe obsviously feels wrong. So just stop doing it.
P.s…I have make about 1/2 the money (or less) than I would if I left my home to go to work. It took some thought and creativity but I managed because I made a conscious choice… my kids over a nicer lifestyle. While working less may not be a choice for all mom’s, if we are honest…it is for many! If we are REALLY honest, money trumps caring for our children these days and we can all see how that’s impacting our society….
I wish you well and hope you make a change today! Your kids are worth it.
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Try being a lawyer. We may get better paid (and pay large taxes as a result funding schools/hospitals/helping to keep society going so that others can choose to stay home) but the hours can be far longer and the holidays 20 days a year in Australia (if you don’t have to work during them). I saw the hours my mother worked as a dedicated teacher and they were nothing like mine. What’s being described here is par for the course of being a parent and a working mother in 2016. There is only one you and sometimes you need to be in two places. Where’s the surprise in that ?
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You are not alone. Every word you have written rings true for me also. The comfort I try and give myself now is that everything is a cycle. I taught for 15 years as the young, enthusiastic, ‘superhuman’ teacher….totally devoted ( as we all are ). I’m pretty sure that I held teachers who were in the same position as I am now, as subpar in my eyes for most of that time.
I try reconcile my worries, fear and exhaustion with the cycle that means I am now ‘that teacher’. I may appear subpar to someone else. I know that I am not, but perhaps the days of being superhuman are now best left to those who are able to give total devotion.
It is terrible that we feel we have to make a choice through work pressure, but it is easier to not care so deeply about work opinions than it is the emotional and physical needs of our children. Please be assured I have not mastered this balance yet….it is just the balance I am desperately trying to maintain as I teeter!
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I agree with you 100% + totally, and in every way!!!!
Fortunately, I was able to take a giant time out and stay home with my three children, as they grew up ~ no regrets AT ALL!!! I often try and encourage young teachers to do the same!!! That time is far too precious and passes far too quickly!!! I then returned to teaching, perfect for the empty nest syndrome ~ Now I am a grandmother of one wonderful grandson, who was just born and is already 17 months! RETIREMENT, here I come! Again, far too precious to miss out on! My husband has been retired for seven years ~ my turn to join him and our grandchildren! FUN!!!!! xoxoxxo
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I have spent my entire career within childcare and teaching childcare nvq’s. I always wanted to be a teacher when I had my own children as it would be perfect as I would be off in the holidays.
Not a chance would I become a teacher. Every friend on my timeline who is a teacher, works every hour God sends and hardly see’s their children. People are saying that being a working mum is the problem here but in other jobs you would receive over time or leave work at work but teachers work every night, get up early to work before breakfast and after a week at work, mark and plan most weekends. Leaving a profession like this leaves you wracked with guilt for your students and colleagues that you’re leaving behind, knowing that your colleagues are mostly in the same position. I think this is a fabulous post.
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After kidney stones (the non stop days going by so fast I didn’t drink enough throughout the day) then cancer (stress related) I left the profession. It still upsets me, I miss my tutor group so much, but they leave this year, so hopefully it’ll be easier to accept and move on.
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What you describe is the struggle that all working mums face, not just teachers. Nurses, health care assistants, doctors, psychologists, policewoman (to name only a few) that have to deal with sick, dying, distressed, aggressive and challenging people every day and are regularly forced to stay late, or work an extra day to ensure the well-being of the vulnerable people they care for (sometimes to ensure that the people they care for do not die!) Mums that have to work late shifts and night shifts, who regularly miss tucking their children up at night, or have to leave for work early in the morning before their kids are even awake. Mums who have sleepless nights worrying about how on earth they will cover 13 weeks of school holidays on their annual leave allowance of 5 weeks a year. Mums who never have family holidays because they have to take it in turns with their partners to cover school holidays, otherwise they would lose their job.
There are few jobs these days that are truly 9am-5pm, or indeed fit in with the school day. There are plenty of mums working in retail who have to work weekends and miss precious time with their children. There are many mums working in highly pressurised professions, including in accountancy, town planning and sales who bring work home every night and every weekend and often don’t make it home from work in time for their kids’ bedtime. There are very few good jobs to have when you are a mum. We all start early, work late, bring work home and give too much of ourselves to our jobs, whatever job we have. I think it is important to acknowledge that all working mums face enormous struggles.
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No words to express my feelings.
But something i know, you are a brave woman, a lovely mother and a wonderful teacher
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We are expecting our first baby, due in July. I’m an English teacher and my husband and I have both come to the realisation that I’m not going to be able to return to work after maternity leave. My school expects at least one evening duty per week (until 7 or 9pm) and a couple of weekends per term – so it’s just crazy and we’d be paying someone else the majority of my earnings to look after our baby.
It is so sad that we are in this position – I know I will miss my time in the classroom with my students, but the endless work, pressure, reports, meetings, e-mails (how I hate the e-mails!) and deadlines make it impossible to work around.
I think the only thing to remember is that teachers – and parents – are often their most severe critics. When you have such high expectations of yourself, there is always a greater chance of feeling like you haven’t achieved them. Try to be kind to yourself 🙂 and thank you for sharing this post!
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This is really powerful. I’ve heard it so many times before. I have been contemplating TT over recent years.
I have 3 young children and a background in teaching abroad.
I’ve just started a TA course though as I’ve not worked since I’ve had the children. (eldest is 6) and have been helping with EAL children for my placement at their school.
I’m saddened and shocked at what I see to be honest.
People, even parents don’t see this from outside the school gates.
I’ve made my decision to not do TT now. It should be a respected,enjoyable profession. It is not – at all.
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I am an Art and Technology teacher at a successful secondary school and I love teaching. It is the most rewarding profession imaginable which returns so much more than I can ever give. Unfortunately, teaching is no longer about teaching; it is driven by political rhetoric and a target obsessed government. What happened to the ‘let teachers teach’ campaign, initiated by the NASUWT? This career has changed out of all proportion in the last thirty years. HMI used to be understanding and supportive but Ofsted seems to have a different agenda.
I hear so much about how educational standards have fallen on the last 25 years. So why don’t we go back to the methods used then?…… No Ofsted, no target driven motivation. Get back to basics. Let teachers do what only they can do best and give us the tools to do it better.
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I am a teacher too and I totally know what you mean. I’m forever torn between being a good teacher and being a good mum, and feel like I’m neither.
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I am so glad I had the opportunity to read your thoughts…thank you. I was a teacher, then an editor and left my profession to be a stay at home mum. I have two gorgeous girls and my youngest starts school in September. I have thought numerous times about going back into teaching but end up thinking exactly what you describe in your post and now feel that I can’t or more importantly won’t go back. It makes me sad as I loved teaching but the constant demands and lack of academic freedom today is ridiculous. How could I feel that I am doing a great job at both?
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My heart breaks for you and your children and me and mine. 💗
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I am not even from the same country. Yet the fears are the same. Extra classes during holiday, late afternoon extras. While my own little girls are crying for me not being able to be there. At this point i thinkmy teaching days are numbered……my girls needs me more
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I agree with Mrs. Teacher’s comments. In addition:
Try being a nurse who does home care. No vacation pay, no sick time, no holiday pay, no personal days, no snow days. Unless you just take the time off and then you don’t have any income. I would say you are blessed with a profession that gives you a lot of time off with pay.
I just have to comment on your statement that you have sent your child to daycare with a temperature of 104 degrees. That is plain irresponsible. Who does something like this. The child should have been taken to the doctor. Most schools have rules that a child must be fever free for 24 hours before they can come to school. SMH.
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Yes. Yes. Yes. 😦 That is exactly why I left the classroom to provide childcare during these precious years with my own. I get to tutor in the evenings to pacify my teaching urges!
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You need to take care of yourself and your family first. There are paid days off. Use them. You sound like a resourceful individual who has lesson plans. Make sure you have them plans ready for when your kids get sick and need you. Rely on the parents to help too. At least where I am at, I grade my daughter’s work. I know her teacher has a little one at home. And if the parents don’t do it; then so be it. Focus solely on what you can accomplish and don’t burn out. You’re human. We need teachers like you. And the schools should have competent subs to step in.
Running the adrenaline rush lifestyle won’t sustain you. It won’t. I taught. I gave it up; however, let me tell you – other careers aren’t any better. I finally am able to work twenty hours a week to balance my work-family. Grant you – I went into tech so that I can make a teacher’s pay in half time.
Teachers need to be paid more, but that’s a whole different topic.
Take care of you. Take care of your family. Then take care of your students. It is the order of the universe.
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This isn’t limited to teaching. I have faced many of the same work-life balance issues at work. Dwindling minutes that you feel you need to stay, the ‘do more with less’ in the face of budget cuts and reduced funding, reduced benefits, increased beurocracy. We have always been a pay for performance field. I agree that test results should not be the only metric ( if part of the metric at all), but overall, I don’t see the issue with pay for performance. What else should determine what you are paid? Even with pay for performance, top performers may still on,y get a 2% raise in my field. Sometimes there are no raises at all. I too have sent my child to daycare with a fever and left them crying for me because I feel beholden to work. I have also come to realize that we can’t have it all. We must prioritize. And what that looks like is different for everyone. Success must be defined by ones self and not by society. By the way, I am an engineer by profession. Just because I am not a teacher doesn’t mean that I don’t also give my heart and soul to my job.
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May I just observe the issue of leaving your children would be the same in any profession if you are a working mother. I don’t think you can tie that teaching. I also don’t understand why teachers complain about the amount of time they have to put into their job. The increasing demands and time are true for every profession. I think teachers need to realign their expectations of what working full time means. I consistently work 10 to 12 hours a day and that is just the time it takes to get my job done. If you can’t find a balance leave the profession and stay home with your family because you are hurting the children’s education that you are responsible for delivering.
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