I am anxious. I’m anxious about the virus. I’m anxious about medical tests and the fact that I have not had any work this month. I am anxious about money and the future and about the driving I have to do tomorrow and how my son will cope with exams and my daughter’s cough… and… Read More
There is an expectation, an implication, a pressure when you are the parent of an autistic child. Sometimes that pressure is very clear – when a therapist forces a child to make eye contact, for example. Sometimes it is unspoken but felt. It can come from relatives, professionals and the general public alike. It is… Read More
We are luckier than many, when it comes to sleep. After a rocky start, like most babies, my boy started sleeping through the night at around 18 months. And so it has been since then, for the most part. Oh, there have been times of illness and stress, patches where he wakes frequently in the… Read More
Today is an ending. It is the final day of pre-school you and me, snuggled on the sofa. Today, little bean, is the last day – the very last – that we will walk home, hand-in-hand, after dropping your brother at his classroom door. After today, I will not stay at home just to watch… Read More
Little boy, I cannot lie to you. I know the status that truth holds, in your beautiful and remarkable mind. It is the greatest imperative, essential for peace of mind, for the world to keep spinning. I know. I love the truth too. I have learned to live with lies, to use them, if I… Read More
Gorgeous boy, you are sitting on the stairs, tears running down your face. As you heave and splutter, you try to begin a word – over and over – but you cannot make it come. “Shhhh sweetheart. Everything is ok. Think about breathing in and out. I am here.” I am sitting at the bottom… Read More
There are so many things hanging in the balance. I must push my son to achieve his potential, to leave his comfort zone, to be the best he can be – but I must also never force him to change, never make him do anything against his will. Always, his choice must be paramount. I… Read More
A boy and a girl stand in front of a Christmas tree, holding hands, smiles beaming. They are dressed smartly, in tartan and check. The boy is in blue and the girl in red. Behind them, the lights of the tree twinkle and glow. Red and gold baubles glint against the green. A perfect scene.… Read More
At the school Christmas Fair, on benches decorated with red and green, a boy is howling and screaming at his little sister. You may see his mother, whispering into his ear, holding him tight, as he flinches and kicks out and wails. The small girl beside him is sobbing. The mother and father try to… Read More
Yesterday, we got the letter asking us to register Littlest for school in September. How can that be? It was a heartbeat ago that she was in my arms, just a breath since the letter came for her brother. It is strange – Preschool seemed to stretch out for him, to take forever and yet… Read More
Birthdays are for cake. Of course, the cake does not have to be pretty, or expensive, or huge. Just made or given with love, just eaten and enjoyed with friends and family. As long as it tastes good, as long as you share it with those who are dear, the cake has served its purpose.… Read More
My children are not quite six and not quite four – and they are respectively autistic and neurotypical. Littlest knows that her brother is different – she has said as much to me. She knows he plays differently, reacts differently, that he is not like “the other boys and girls.” She sees that he is… Read More