Gorgeous boy, you are sitting on the stairs, tears running down your face. As you heave and splutter, you try to begin a word – over and over – but you cannot make it come. “Shhhh sweetheart. Everything is ok. Think about breathing in and out. I am here.” I am sitting at the bottom… Read More
I passed my driving test on the ninth attempt. Yes – ninth. Some of my best anecdotes came out of those tests. I once made Sarah Turner (of The Unmumsy Mum fame) properly laugh out loud with one of my driving test stories. I am quite proud of that. On one test, I drove into… Read More
My son stutters. The way he speaks can vary massively – and does so from hour to hour, from sentence to sentence. Sometimes he will speak fluently and extensively, for several minutes in a row. Stuttering and Autism are inextricably linked for him. Sometimes it will take him several minutes to get a single word… Read More
There are so many things hanging in the balance. I must push my son to achieve his potential, to leave his comfort zone, to be the best he can be – but I must also never force him to change, never make him do anything against his will. Always, his choice must be paramount. I… Read More
A boy and a girl stand in front of a Christmas tree, holding hands, smiles beaming. They are dressed smartly, in tartan and check. The boy is in blue and the girl in red. Behind them, the lights of the tree twinkle and glow. Red and gold baubles glint against the green. A perfect scene.… Read More
I can’t just say “I’m autistic”. I have no diagnosis (I am.) (Update: diagnosis received April 2019) but even if I did, I could not just say it. When I upset people, I can’t just say it. When people react in ways that I do not understand, I cannot just say it. When I am… Read More
At the school Christmas Fair, on benches decorated with red and green, a boy is howling and screaming at his little sister. You may see his mother, whispering into his ear, holding him tight, as he flinches and kicks out and wails. The small girl beside him is sobbing. The mother and father try to… Read More
Yesterday, we got the letter asking us to register Littlest for school in September. How can that be? It was a heartbeat ago that she was in my arms, just a breath since the letter came for her brother. It is strange – Preschool seemed to stretch out for him, to take forever and yet… Read More
My children are not quite six and not quite four – and they are respectively autistic and neurotypical. Littlest knows that her brother is different – she has said as much to me. She knows he plays differently, reacts differently, that he is not like “the other boys and girls.” She sees that he is… Read More
Over a year ago, when we first met with the headteacher of my son’s future primary school, she made some promises. Many people told me that she would not keep those promises, that schools these days care little for the provision of their SEN pupils, that I would see, in time, that her assurances were… Read More
At this time, exactly three years ago, someone I had just met told me that you may never do the things that other children do. They watched you play and wrote things down on clipboards. They asked me questions about when you walked, when you talked, about what you like and dislike. They watched videos… Read More
At 3.08 am, I hear your first scream. The fluorescent light from the cabin bathroom is flickering unpleasantly, giving the cramped room a strange, nightmarish quality – but we cannot turn off the lights or you will not sleep at all. “Sweetheart – everything is okay. You are safe. We are on the big boat.”… Read More