When I was seven, I had a ruptured appendix that resulted in peritonitis and gangrene. I was in the hospital for a month, had weeks off school, and even when I returned, I could not play outside or do PE (I liked that bit.) While I was in hospital, I received a delivery from my… Read More
The first time I experienced Autism Awareness Month, as the parent of a newly diagnosed child, was in April 2016. It is hard to fully convey how far we have come since then. The way I think and feel has totally transformed. Back then, I was just starting on the road that led to where… Read More
Gorgeous boy, you are sitting on the stairs, tears running down your face. As you heave and splutter, you try to begin a word – over and over – but you cannot make it come. “Shhhh sweetheart. Everything is ok. Think about breathing in and out. I am here.” I am sitting at the bottom… Read More
I passed my driving test on the ninth attempt. Yes – ninth. Some of my best anecdotes came out of those tests. I once made Sarah Turner (of The Unmumsy Mum fame) properly laugh out loud with one of my driving test stories. I am quite proud of that. On one test, I drove into… Read More
My son stutters. The way he speaks can vary massively – and does so from hour to hour, from sentence to sentence. Sometimes he will speak fluently and extensively, for several minutes in a row. Stuttering and Autism are inextricably linked for him. Sometimes it will take him several minutes to get a single word… Read More
There are so many things hanging in the balance. I must push my son to achieve his potential, to leave his comfort zone, to be the best he can be – but I must also never force him to change, never make him do anything against his will. Always, his choice must be paramount. I… Read More
A boy and a girl stand in front of a Christmas tree, holding hands, smiles beaming. They are dressed smartly, in tartan and check. The boy is in blue and the girl in red. Behind them, the lights of the tree twinkle and glow. Red and gold baubles glint against the green. A perfect scene.… Read More
I can’t just say “I’m autistic”. I have no diagnosis (I am.) (Update: diagnosis received April 2019) but even if I did, I could not just say it. When I upset people, I can’t just say it. When people react in ways that I do not understand, I cannot just say it. When I am… Read More
In January 2016, just under three years ago, I started this blog. My son had been diagnosed with autism a few months earlier, I was struggling to cope with an autistic three year-old and a nearly one year-old with severe reflux, and I was in a teaching job that was slowly eating away at my… Read More
Motherhood changed me fundamentally. Almost from the moment my tiny son was placed in my arms, I knew the world would never be the same again. My purpose, my reason for being, shifted. Instantly, the world was more terrifying and more amazing. Joy was exquisite. Pain and fear were all-encompassing. When I fell pregnant with… Read More
At the school Christmas Fair, on benches decorated with red and green, a boy is howling and screaming at his little sister. You may see his mother, whispering into his ear, holding him tight, as he flinches and kicks out and wails. The small girl beside him is sobbing. The mother and father try to… Read More
Yesterday, we got the letter asking us to register Littlest for school in September. How can that be? It was a heartbeat ago that she was in my arms, just a breath since the letter came for her brother. It is strange – Preschool seemed to stretch out for him, to take forever and yet… Read More