The summer holidays are hard. The morning routine is different. Daddy is home all the time and the signals that tell my gorgeous boy what will happen next are all mixed up. We might go to the shops in the afternoon – or the morning. A nursery day does not begin with daddy in a… Read More
For the ladies in orange – I gave you my boy before I was ready. Before he could sit on his own, before he could crawl, before he could feed himself or say a word – I gave him to you. I gave up my baby, my first– a vulnerable little ball of wants and… Read More
Update: I was diagnosed as autistic in April 2019 I was a lonely child – wait, that is not quite right – I was a solitary child. I felt separate. I craved understanding and acceptance from anyone who would give it and I felt bitterly rejected when it was not forthcoming. But I was often… Read More
I think you know by now – no one can tell you what the future holds. No one can tell you that this path will be easy, that it will not be fraught with heartache and frustration. No one can tell you that this will all go away, that the child you love so fiercely… Read More
We live on the border between two counties. All my son’s medical care is under Worcestershire. In September, he will begin primary school in Gloucestershire and, because of this, he is undergoing the EHCP process in Gloucestershire. We applied for an EHCP ourselves because no county would take responsibility. Worcestershire said they were not sure… Read More
When I explained that my husband likes routines and makes meal plans, you said “Oh I see. Is that where you think he got it from?” and you nodded your head towards my son, oblivious in the other room. You winced a little as you inclined your head, as if the word ‘it’ was mildly… Read More
I don’t want you to go to school. Every time I think of September, I lose my mind a little. I imagine leaving you at that gate and my chest tightens, bile rises at the back of my throat. I must dismiss the thought, focus on the three months I have to cherish four-year-old you,… Read More
If you’ve met one person with autism … you’ve met one person with autism. Ok. Let’s be clear – I wholeheartedly appreciate the sentiment behind the phrase. People with autism are individuals. Of course they are individuals. We know, even if there are those who cannot put it into practice, that we should never judge… Read More
It is 10 am. Snack time. Toys litter the floor like a colourful, haphazard obstacle course. “Sweetheart, it is snack time. Do you want a banana or a fruit bar?” A small boy looks up, wide-eyed, thoughtful. A tuft of hair, golden in the morning light, sticks up from his crown. His mother flattens it… Read More
When you are the parent of a child with autism, it easy to feel alone. It is easy to feel like there is no one else who is truly on your side, no one else as dedicated to fighting your child’s corner. Through no fault of their own, friends and relatives do not fully appreciate… Read More
Gorgeous boy – I love you. All of you. Every inch. Every week, I receive messages – from people on the autism spectrum, from other mothers, fathers, neurotypical and neurodivergent. They tell me that I am a good mother. They tell me that I am an example, that they wish their parents had understood them… Read More
Teaching is more than just a job. I know. I know what it is to mark and lesson plan into the small hours. I know what it is to live in a hollow of exhaustion. I have felt the isolation and dread of a pile of unmarked books that must be marked, felt it deep… Read More