Every evening, after the children have had their baths, I read a story to my daughter. We sit on the rocking chair I nursed her in and we read by the light of her night-light. She chooses the story – sometimes Tico Tango, sometimes a story about a sweet monster. Most often we read Stick… Read More
A few weeks ago, our first Christmas card arrived. As soon as Biggest saw the brightly coloured image slide from the envelope, he was transfixed. “What is it?” he asked me, stimming excitedly. “It’s a Christmas card, Sweetheart.” The card was an image of Father Christmas, good-naturedly placing his arm on a friendly snowman, sack… Read More
There are many divides in the autism community. There are autistic adults. There are the parents of autistic children. There are those whose autism is deemed ‘high-functioning’ and those who are called ‘severe’ and ‘classic’ and ‘non-verbal’. There are those who are perfectly capable of advocating for themselves and there are those who do not… Read More
Little boy, something changed, deep in the pit of me. I do not care if you never learn to write your name, if you need me to dress you until I can no longer dress myself. Please, just be safe. Just be happy. Little boy, that howl, it slices through me. I do not care… Read More
I want to remember five years ago, to touch your newborn skin – waxy, translucent. I want to remember the vivid plum blood-test bruises on your tiny heels and feel the way your cry bypassed thought, resounded in my chest. I want to be inside that moment when everything changed. I want to grasp the… Read More
Dear Sir/Madam, I just booked our Christmas return ferry journey. My mum and dad live abroad you see, and so every summer and every other Christmas, we make our way to the Charente region in France. I’ll be honest, it is usually a bit of an ordeal. It takes two hours in the car to… Read More
This morning, you told me you did not want to go to school. When I said that all boys and girls go to school, that I would be back to get you soon, I saw you bottom lip quiver, your eyes fill with tears. I heard your voice crack. I can’t. The walls are wrong.… Read More
I have debated, wavered. Usually, my urge is to overshare, to explain to the nth degree, to present my heart on a platter and hope that the absolute nature of the gesture makes people generous and kind. It is a compulsion that has caused me no small amount of heartache, in the past. But this… Read More
Two Years ago, you were not quite three. You said ‘pease’ instead of please. You loved buses and knew the words to ‘The Snail and the Whale’ off by heart. When your baby sister cried, you screamed and screamed and I felt cold spikes of fear and guilt to think that I, that she, could… Read More
My boy does not fit easily onto the spectrum that most people imagine. He speaks and so is labelled ‘high-functioning’ by most – though that is not accurate. He was diagnosed early, at just two – way before the average child with Asperger’s. He needs full-time one-to-one support at nursery and will at school. He… Read More
Autism is hidden. It does not matter if awareness grows. It does not matter how much support or how many services are available to autistic people. It does not matter, even, if an autistic person has behaviours that set them apart, if those who are dealing with them know that they have autism, if it… Read More
The summer holidays are hard. The morning routine is different. Daddy is home all the time and the signals that tell my gorgeous boy what will happen next are all mixed up. We might go to the shops in the afternoon – or the morning. A nursery day does not begin with daddy in a… Read More